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As parents, the well-being of our children is always our foremost concern. When a child begins to exhibit concerning symptoms—such as social withdrawal, disruptive behaviours, or difficulties in communication—it can be an incredibly challenging time for any family. Such symptoms together with others may be indicative of developmental conditions or other psychological issues. This is where the importance of psychological evaluation comes into play, providing a crucial step in understanding and addressing your child’s needs.
Understanding the Need for Psychological Evaluation
Psychological evaluations are comprehensive assessments conducted by trained professionals to diagnose developmental, behavioural, and emotional disorders. These evaluations typically include interviews, observations, standardized tests, and consultations with other professionals who interact with the child, such as teachers or paediatricians. For conditions like autism, early diagnosis and intervention are essential. Research consistently shows that early intervention can significantly improve outcomes, helping children develop critical skills and enhancing their overall quality of life.
Recognizing the signs and seeking a professional evaluation can provide clarity and direction. It allows for the development of a tailored intervention plan, which might include therapies such as speech therapy, occupational therapy, or applied behaviour analysis. These interventions can support your child’s development, helping them to navigate their world more effectively and improve their interactions and communication skills.
Overcoming Stigmas and Fear
Despite the clear benefits of psychological evaluations, many parents experience significant fear and guilt when facing the possibility that their child might have a developmental disorder. This fear is often compounded by societal stigma. Unfortunately, mental health issues are still misunderstood and stigmatized in many communities. Parents might worry about how others will perceive their child or fear being judged as inadequate caregivers.
This stigma can create a powerful barrier to seeking help. It is essential to recognize that seeking an evaluation does not define your child by their challenges but rather opens the door to understanding their unique needs and strengths. The sooner these needs are identified, the sooner you can begin to support your child in the most effective ways.
Embracing Acceptance and Moving Forward
Acceptance is a vital part of this journey. It is natural to grieve the loss of the expectations you had for your child’s development. However, accepting a diagnosis does not mean giving up hope. Instead, it means adjusting your expectations and finding new ways to support and celebrate your child’s progress.
As parents, it is important to educate yourself about the condition and connect with other families who are going through similar experiences. Support groups and advocacy organizations can provide valuable resources and a sense of community. Sharing experiences with others who understand can reduce feelings of isolation and empower you to advocate for your child’s needs effectively.
Moreover, acceptance involves self-compassion. It is common for parents to feel guilt or blame themselves for their child’s condition. It is crucial to remember that developmental disorders are complex and multifactorial. They are not the result of parental actions or failures. Practicing self-compassion allows you to better support your child without being overwhelmed by self-blame.
Conclusion
The journey of addressing concerning symptoms in your child through psychological evaluation is a courageous and necessary step. It is a journey that involves overcoming societal stigma, embracing acceptance, and seeking the best possible outcomes for your child. By prioritizing early intervention and understanding, you can help your child lead a fulfilling and meaningful life. Remember, seeking help is a sign of strength, not weakness, and it sets the foundation for your child to thrive.
Delia Ciobanu
IBSB Student Counsellor
As we approach the end of the school year, it’s natural to feel a mix of excitement and anxiety. Exams are a significant part of your academic journey, and it’s important to be well-prepared both academically and mentally. Here are some practical tips to help you study effectively and manage the stress that often accompanies exam time.
Effective Study Techniques
Create a Study Schedule: Break down your study sessions into manageable chunks. Allocate specific times for each subject and stick to your plan. Consistency is key.
Understand Your Learning Style: Whether you’re a visual learner who benefits from diagrams and charts, an auditory learner who retains information better through listening, or a kinesthetic learner who needs hands-on activities, tailor your study methods to what suits you best.
Use Active Learning: Engage with the material actively. Summarize information in your own words, create flashcards, quiz yourself, and discuss topics with friends. Teaching others is also a powerful way to reinforce your understanding.
Practice Past Papers: Familiarize yourself with the exam format and question styles by practicing past papers. This helps you gauge the types of questions you might face and identify areas where you need more practice.
Take Regular Breaks: Studying for long periods without breaks can lead to burnout. Use techniques like the Pomodoro method—study for 25 minutes, then take a 5-minute break. This keeps your mind fresh and focused.
Stay Organized: Keep all your study materials, notes, and resources well-organized. A clutter-free environment can help reduce distractions and improve concentration.
Stress Management Strategies
Maintain a Healthy Lifestyle: Eat nutritious meals, stay hydrated, and get plenty of sleep. Physical health directly impacts your mental clarity and energy levels.
Exercise Regularly: Physical activity releases endorphins, which can reduce stress and improve your mood. Even a short walk or some light stretching can make a difference.
Practice Mindfulness and Relaxation Techniques: Techniques such as deep breathing, meditation, and progressive muscle relaxation can help calm your mind and reduce anxiety. There are many apps and online resources available to guide you through these practices.
Stay Positive: Maintain a positive outlook and remind yourself of your strengths and past successes. Positive self-talk can boost your confidence and help you stay motivated.
Connect with Others: Don’t isolate yourself. Talk to friends, family, or teachers about your worries. Sometimes, just sharing your feelings can alleviate stress. Study groups can also be beneficial, as long as they stay focused and productive.
Set Realistic Goals: Aim to do your best, but recognize that perfection isn’t always achievable. Set achievable goals and celebrate your progress, no matter how small.
Seek Help When Needed: If stress becomes overwhelming, don’t hesitate to reach out for help. School counsellors, teachers, and parents are there to support you. Sometimes, talking through your concerns with a trusted adult can provide relief and new perspectives.
Remember, exams are just one part of your educational journey. They are an opportunity to showcase what you’ve learned, but they do not define your worth or future success. Stay focused, take care of yourself, and approach your exams with confidence and a positive mindset.
Cristina Latcu
IBSB Student Counsellor
Parenting a child with intense emotions can feel like a big adventure with lots of ups and downs. But even in the tough times, there’s a lot to learn by knowing your own weak spots. It’s like having a map to help you through the tricky parts of being a parent. Our reactions and how we feel about ourselves as parents is influencing our parenting decisions and ultimately our children’s behaviour.
Know when you are vulnerable
Understanding your vulnerabilities as a parent is crucial for navigating stressful situations effectively. Reflecting on past experiences can provide valuable insight: how did you feel before the event happened? What happened/triggered the event? What did you think about what happened? What words came to your mind after the event? How did your body feel? What is the name of the emotion that describes what you were feeling? How did you act because of your feeling? What would have been a more helpful response?
Identifying the specific emotions you felt and understanding their impact on your actions enables you to consider more constructive responses for similar situations in the future.
Instead of evaluating your child’s behaviour try to simply describe it
For example, instead of using evaluative language, simply say something like, ‘’I see that you are studying for many hours’’ and do not label or judge at all. To move from evaluative language (1) describe the behaviour just as you see it, and (2) describe the consequence of that behaviour. For instance you might say to your child, (A) ‘’You’re being so good (evaluative statement) and making me proud now’’, or (B) ‘’You’re spending lot of time on your homework (non-evaluative and describing), and it makes me feel good when you do that (focus on consequences)’’.
Statement A labels and judges; your child will likely feel you are talking about him rather than his behaviour. The child doesn’t know exactly what he is doing to make you proud or what he needs to do in the future. Statement B describes what the child is doing in a way that is clear to him and can be repeated in the future.
The more you are able to use descriptive rather than judgmental language, the better your child will be able to know himself and to understand the connection between his behaviours, your reactions, and how he feels about himself.
You child is not her behaviour
Our reactions to children’s behaviours are shaped by assumptions we make about their behaviours. Your assumptions or judgements (the way in which you think about your child) will affect how you feel about and how you respond to your child. The danger in jumping to conclusions is that you will act as if something is true when it may not be.
Behaviour can be changed. Children’s behavioural responses are learned and not ingrained in their personalities. Understanding and helping your child depends on learning to separate your child from her behaviour. Your child is not her behaviour. Her behaviours are what she does, not who she is. Why is this distinction important? You don’t want your child to grow up thinking she is inherently damaged, has a flawed character, or should be ashamed of herself.
Learn to accept yourself
Learning to accept yourself may be one of the hardest skills you’ll learn, and it’s also a crucial lesson. A lack of self-acceptance often leads to parenting choices based on emotions such as guilt, which may make you feel better in the moment but they aren’t necessary effective in the long run. When you can be more accepting on yourself, you will have more patience with yourself and your child and be better able to make your parenting decisions wisely.
In the wild ride of parenting, where emotions can run high and obstacles seem endless, it’s crucial to understand yourself. Think of it like having a guidebook to help you through the tough times. By recognizing your weak spots, describing behaviours without judging, realizing your child isn’t just their actions, and learning to accept yourself, you give yourself the best chance at navigating the ups and downs of raising a child with intense emotions.
So, keep in mind that even when things get tough, there’s always something valuable to learn and with each challenge, you’re not only growing as a parent, but also as a person.
Delia Ciobanu
IBSB Student Counsellor
Ever noticed the little voice inside your head? That’s your inner dialogue—the ongoing conversation you have with yourself. What if I told you that this self-talk holds incredible power? Welcome to the world of positive self-talk—a game-changer in shaping your mindset, boosting confidence, and navigating life’s challenges with resilience and grace.
Understanding Self-Talk: Self-talk is the continuous stream of thoughts and words we use to interpret our experiences. It can be positive or negative, influencing our emotions, actions, and beliefs about ourselves.
The Impact of Positive Self-Talk: Picture this: You’re faced with a daunting challenge. Negative self-talk might say, “I can’t do this; I’ll definitely fail.” But with positive self-talk, you switch gears to, “I’ll give it my best shot; I’ve overcome challenges before.”
Challenge Negative Narratives: Negative self-talk tends to magnify flaws, doubts, and limitations. Challenge these narratives! Replace “I can’t” with “I’ll try,” and “This is impossible” with “I’ll find a way.”
Practice Self-Encouragement: Treat yourself as you would a friend in need of support. Offer kind, motivating words during tough times. “I’m capable,” “I’m resilient,” “I’ll learn from this”—these phrases become your inner cheerleaders.
Affirmations as Anchors: Affirmations are powerful tools in positive self-talk. Repeat affirmations that resonate with you daily. “I am confident,” “I am worthy,” “I am resilient”—they act as anchors in moments of doubt.
Reframe Challenges as Opportunities: Instead of seeing obstacles as roadblocks, view them as opportunities for growth and learning. Positive self-talk reframes challenges as stepping stones toward success.
Focus on Solutions: When faced with problems, shift your focus from dwelling on the issue to seeking solutions. Positive self-talk encourages problem-solving by saying, “I can find a way to handle this.”
Visualize Success: Envision yourself succeeding. Visualizing positive outcomes fuels motivation and boosts confidence. Positive self-talk creates a mental blueprint for success.
Build Confidence: Positive self-talk nurtures confidence by acknowledging accomplishments and strengths. It builds a foundation for self-belief and resilience in the face of adversity.
Gratitude and Positivity: Incorporate gratitude into your self-talk. Recognize what you’re thankful for and bring positivity into your thoughts. “I’m grateful for…” becomes a part of your daily dialogue.
Consistency is Key: Like any skill, mastering positive self-talk takes practice. Consistently redirecting negative thoughts toward positive ones rewires your mindset over time.
Be Kind to Yourself: Embrace imperfections and setbacks with kindness. Positive self-talk isn’t about perfection; it’s about progress and self-compassion.
Embrace the transformative power of positive self-talk. It’s not about ignoring challenges; it’s about facing them with a mindset rooted in encouragement and possibility. Nurture your inner dialogue, and watch how it shapes your world, propelling you toward a more fulfilling, confident, and resilient self.
Ah, procrastination—the art of delaying tasks until the last minute. We’ve all been there, dancing with deadlines while avoiding the work at hand. Overcoming procrastination is a skill, and with the right strategies, you can kick that habit to the curb and boost your productivity. So, let’s dive into the world of beating procrastination once and for all.
Understanding the Why: Procrastination often stems from various reasons—fear of failure, lack of motivation, perfectionism, or feeling overwhelmed. Identifying the root cause can help you tackle it head-on.
Break it Down: Ever heard of the “Eat That Frog” approach? It’s about tackling the biggest, most challenging task first. Break your workload into smaller, manageable chunks. Start with the toughest task and watch how the rest seem much more achievable.
Set Clear Goals: Establishing clear, specific goals creates a roadmap. When you know what needs to be done, it’s easier to stay focused and less tempting to procrastinate.
Create a Schedule: Time management is your ally. Set aside dedicated time slots for different tasks. A schedule helps create a routine and minimizes the temptation to procrastinate.
Eliminate Distractions: Identify and minimize distractions. Whether it’s social media, your phone, or a noisy environment, find ways to eliminate or limit these distractions during work periods.
Use the Two-Minute Rule: If a task takes less than two minutes, do it immediately. This small habit prevents tasks from piling up and reduces the temptation to procrastinate on seemingly small tasks.
Reward Yourself: Create a reward system. After completing a task or reaching a milestone, treat yourself. It could be anything you enjoy—a short break, a snack, or some leisure time.
Visualize Success: Imagine the feeling of accomplishment once the task is done. Visualizing success can be a powerful motivator to overcome procrastination.
Practice Self-Compassion: Beating yourself up for procrastinating won’t help. Practice self-compassion and kindness. Understand that everyone procrastinates at times, and it’s about finding strategies to move past it.
Accountability Partner: Share your goals and progress with someone you trust. Having an accountability partner can keep you on track and motivated.
Start Small: Sometimes, just starting can be the hardest part. Begin with small, manageable steps. Once you gain momentum, it becomes easier to keep going.
Learn from Setbacks: Slip-ups happen, and that’s okay. Instead of dwelling on them, learn from your setbacks. Understand what triggered the procrastination and how you can avoid it next time.
Remember, overcoming procrastination is a journey. It takes practice, patience, and perseverance. Celebrate your victories, no matter how small, and keep pushing forward. With determination and these strategies in your arsenal, you’ll soon bid farewell to procrastination!
In our contemporary society, information flows freely, encompassing both beneficial and detrimental content, particularly evident in the realm of social media, where negative influencers wield significant influence. Despite our best efforts to instil discipline and provide education within the confines of our homes, our children inevitably venture beyond our controlled environments into a world teeming with diverse role models, both positive and negative.
While we may strive to shield our children from negative influences, it’s important to acknowledge the inevitability of their exposure to various societal dynamics. Eventually, they will encounter peers who may already be ensnared within groups influenced by negativity. In essence, it becomes a challenge for you, the parent, against the broader societal currents.
As parents, it’s imperative to understand our limitations to determine how best to support our children in flourishing and making sound decisions.
Here are several interconnected steps you can take to indirectly safeguard your child’s well-being:
1. Education: Engage in open and age-appropriate discussions with your child about sensitive topics such as sex, drugs, alcohol, and relationships. Avoiding these discussions under the misconception that it offers protection is counterproductive. Instead, ensure your child receives accurate information from reliable sources to equip them with the knowledge to navigate the complexities of the world.
2. Discipline: It’s crucial to delineate clear boundaries and communicate the consequences of succumbing to negative influences. By instilling a sense of accountability, we empower our children to resist harmful temptations.
3. Parent-child Connection: Often overlooked, yet profoundly impactful, the bond between parent and child plays a pivotal role in shaping a child’s resilience against negative influences. While education and discipline are vital, the emotional support and guidance provided by a strong parent-child connection are equally crucial. Children who receive only material provisions, lacking emotional nourishment, are particularly vulnerable to negative environments.
Recognising that it is neither feasible nor desirable to control every aspect of our children’s lives, we should focus on fostering resilience and equipping them with the skills to deal with challenges. By nurturing their emotional intelligence and instilling values rooted in integrity, we empower our children to navigate the complexities of the world with confidence and discernment.
Parenting Styles and their Impact on a Child’s Psychological Development
Parenting styles play a pivotal role in shaping the psychological development of a child. Research over the years has identified four main parenting styles: authoritative, authoritarian, permissive, and uninvolved. Each style reflects different levels of parental control, warmth, and responsiveness, ultimately influencing how children perceive themselves, relate to others, and navigate the world around them.
Authoritative Parenting:
Authoritative parenting is often regarded as the most effective and balanced approach. Parents who adopt this style set clear expectations and boundaries, while also being warm, supportive, and responsive to their child’s needs. They encourage independence, critical thinking, and decision-making skills by fostering open communication and mutual respect. Children raised by authoritative parents tend to exhibit high levels of self-esteem, social competence, and academic success. They are more likely to develop healthy relationships, assertiveness, and emotional regulation skills, as they feel secure in their parent’s consistent guidance and affection.
Authoritarian Parenting:
Authoritarian parenting is characterized by high levels of control and strict adherence to rules and discipline. Parents using this style prioritize obedience and conformity over autonomy and individuality. They often employ punishment rather than explanation and reasoning to enforce compliance. While children raised in authoritarian households may display obedience, they may also struggle with low self-esteem, anxiety, and poor social skills. They may have difficulty expressing themselves and forming trusting relationships due to fear of punishment or rejection. Additionally, these children may rebel or exhibit aggression as they seek autonomy and assert their independence from overly controlling parents.
Permissive Parenting:
Permissive parenting is marked by low levels of control and high levels of warmth and indulgence. Parents in this style are lenient and nurturing, often avoiding confrontation and setting few boundaries. They prioritize their child’s happiness and autonomy, sometimes at the expense of structure and discipline. While children raised in permissive households may feel loved and accepted, they may also struggle with self-regulation, impulse control, and responsibility. They may have difficulty coping with frustration and setbacks, as they lack the guidance and structure needed to develop resilience and problem-solving skills. Moreover, these children may struggle academically and socially, as they may not receive the necessary support and encouragement to excel.
Uninvolved Parenting:
Uninvolved parenting, also known as neglectful parenting, is characterized by low levels of both control and warmth. Parents in this style are emotionally distant and unresponsive to their child’s needs, often preoccupied with their own concerns or absent altogether. They provide minimal supervision, guidance, or support, leaving children to fend for themselves. Children raised in uninvolved households may experience feelings of neglect, abandonment, and low self-worth. They may struggle with emotional and behavioural problems, such as depression, substance abuse, and delinquency. Without adequate parental involvement and support, these children may have difficulty forming healthy attachments and developing essential life skills.
In conclusion, parenting styles significantly impact a child’s psychological development. Authoritative parenting, characterized by warmth and structure, fosters healthy self-esteem, autonomy, and social competence. In contrast, authoritarian, permissive, and uninvolved parenting styles can lead to various challenges, including low self-esteem, behavioural issues, and difficulty forming relationships. Understanding the dynamics of each parenting style is essential for parents to create a nurturing and supportive environment that promotes their child’s overall well-being and success.
Delia Ciobanu
IBSB Student Counsellor
Did you know that inside your head lies a supercharged powerhouse? Yes, it’s your brain, and during these teenage years, it’s in the midst of an incredible transformation! Let’s dive into the fascinating world of the teenage brain and uncover some mind-boggling facts that might just blow your mind!
1. The Brain’s Growth Spurt: Your brain is like a construction zone, constantly developing and expanding. During your teenage years, it’s working overtime, making new connections and pathways at lightning speed. In fact, did you know that your brain reaches almost its full size by the age of 10-12, but the real magic happens in your teen years as it fine-tunes and refines its wiring?
2. The Power of Sleep: Yep, hitting the snooze button isn’t just about feeling refreshed. Sleep is crucial for your brain’s health and development. During sleep, your brain consolidates memories, sorts through information, and even prunes away unnecessary connections, making space for new learning.
3. Risk-Taking Behavior: Ever felt the urge to take risks or try something adventurous? Blame it on your brain! The teenage brain’s reward system is hypersensitive, making you more likely to seek thrills and novelty. It’s not just about being reckless; it’s your brain’s way of exploring and learning about the world. But that doesn’t mean that you shouldn’t think twice!
4. Emotions on Overdrive: Emotions can sometimes feel like a roller coaster, right? Well, that’s because the part of your brain responsible for managing emotions, the prefrontal cortex, is still under construction. This means you might experience intense feelings and struggle with managing them—it’s all part of the brain’s remodelling process.
5. Brain’s Social Radar: Your brain is a social butterfly! It’s super attuned to peer relationships, social hierarchies, and fitting in. That’s why friends and social situations can feel so important. Your brain is learning how to navigate these connections, which is a crucial part of growing up.
6. Learning and Adaptability: Ever notice how quickly you can learn new things or adapt to changes? Your brain’s plasticity—the ability to change and adapt—is at its peak during your teenage years. This means it’s the perfect time to pick up new skills, learn languages, or explore passions!
7. Stress and the Brain: Balancing school, hobbies, friends, and everything else can get overwhelming. Stress affects the brain too! Chronic stress can actually impact memory, decision-making, and even the brain’s structure. So, finding ways to manage stress is essential for a healthy brain.
Isn’t it incredible how your brain is like a constant work in progress? Embrace these exciting changes and know that every twist and turn in this roller coaster ride called adolescence is all thanks to your amazing, evolving brain!
Keep exploring, keep learning, and remember—your brain is a powerhouse of potential!
Cristina Latcu
IBSB Student Counsellor
In the intricate dance of parenting, misunderstandings and ruptures are inevitable, woven into the fabric of every significant familial relationship. These are the moments where we make wrong assumptions, inadvertently hurt someone, and find ourselves at an impasse. However, as a psychologist, I propose that it’s not the rupture itself that defines the relationship; it’s the manner in which we engage in repair that truly matters. In this article, we will explore the significance of repairing relationship ruptures and delve into strategies, particularly focusing on the pivotal first step: recognizing and changing your response.
Understanding the Nature of Ruptures
In the intricate tapestry of family dynamics, ruptures can emerge unexpectedly. They may stem from miscommunications, unmet expectations, or simply the complexities of individual perspectives. Acknowledging that these ruptures are a natural part of any intimate relationship is the first step toward fostering a healthier family dynamic.
The Essence of Repair
What distinguishes resilient relationships is the ability to repair after a rupture. Repairing is not about erasing the rupture but about navigating through it in a way that strengthens the connection. The core principle is to focus on transforming your response, a process that starts with self-awareness.
Recognizing Your Triggers
The foundation of changing your response lies in recognizing and understanding your triggers—those emotional landmines that can lead to reactive and potentially damaging behaviour. As parents, our triggers often stem from past experiences, unmet needs, or ingrained patterns of communication. By identifying these triggers, we gain valuable insights into why certain situations evoke strong emotional reactions.
Utilizing Trigger Knowledge to React Differently
Once you have identified your triggers, the next step is to consciously use that knowledge to react in a different way. This requires a mindful pause before responding impulsively. Consider the alternative ways you can express your feelings or concerns without perpetuating the rupture. It involves a deliberate effort to choose a response that fosters understanding and connection rather than escalating the conflict.
Building a Toolbox of Healthy Responses
Changing your response is an ongoing process, and building a toolbox of healthy responses is an integral aspect. This may involve active listening, empathy, and the willingness to compromise. Communication is key, but it’s the quality of communication that truly matters. Encourage open dialogue, express your emotions in a constructive manner, and be receptive to your child’s perspective.
Modelling Repair for Your Children
Children learn by observation, and parents serve as primary role models for navigating relationships. Demonstrating the art of repair teaches children that ruptures are not the end but an opportunity for growth and strengthened bonds. Model humility in acknowledging mistakes, the courage to apologize, and the commitment to work through challenges together.
Conclusion
In the intricate dance of family relationships, ruptures are not a sign of failure, but rather a call for repair. As parents, the power to transform the dynamics lies in recognizing and changing our responses. By understanding our triggers, mindfully choosing alternative reactions, and building a toolbox of healthy responses, we pave the way for repair and resilience within our families. Embracing the repair process fosters an environment where misunderstandings become opportunities for growth and connection, ultimately fortifying the bonds that define our familial journey.
Delia Ciobanu
IBSB Student Counsellor
Setting Sail for Success: Crafting Your Goals for the New Year
As we bid farewell to the past and welcome the fresh canvas of a new year, it’s the perfect time to set sail on the sea of possibility. Yes, it’s goal-setting season! But setting goals isn’t just about making resolutions; it’s about charting a course for your dreams and aspirations. So, grab your compass and let’s navigate the waters of goal-setting together.
Reflect on the Past: Before setting sail into the new year, take a moment to reflect on the year gone by. What were your accomplishments? What challenges did you face? Reflecting on the past helps you understand where you’ve been and where you want to go.
Dream Big, Start Small: Imagine your ideal future. What do you want to achieve? Dream big and envision your goals. Then, break them down into smaller, actionable steps. Remember, even the grandest goals are achieved by taking small, consistent steps.
SMART Goals: Heard of SMART goals? They’re Specific, Measurable, Achievable, Relevant, and Time-bound. Instead of a vague goal like “get better at math,” aim for a specific target, like “improve math grades by one letter grade by the end of the semester.”
Diversify Your Goals: Don’t limit yourself to just one area of life. Set goals that cover different aspects—academic, personal development, health, relationships, hobbies, and more. A well-rounded set of goals ensures growth in various facets of your life.
Prioritize and Plan: You might have many goals swirling in your mind, but it’s essential to prioritize. What’s most important to you? Plan a roadmap for achieving these goals, setting milestones along the way.
Stay Flexible: The winds might change, and that’s okay. Life is full of surprises. Be open to adjusting your sails if needed. Flexibility allows you to adapt to unforeseen circumstances without losing sight of your destination.
Accountability and Support: Share your goals with someone you trust—a friend, family member, or mentor. Having someone to cheer you on and hold you accountable can make a world of difference.
Celebrate Milestones: Don’t wait until you’ve reached your final destination to celebrate. Acknowledge and celebrate your achievements at each milestone. It keeps your motivation high and reminds you of your progress.
Practice Self-Compassion: Sometimes, the journey might not go as planned. That’s alright! Be kind to yourself. Setbacks are part of the adventure. Learn from them and keep moving forward.
Review and Adjust: Periodically review your goals. Are they still relevant? Have your priorities changed? Adjust your goals accordingly. Remember, it’s your journey, and you have the power to steer it.
As you set sail into the new year, remember that the journey is as important as the destination. Embrace the adventure, stay focused, and enjoy the thrill of pursuing your dreams.
Bon voyage to a year filled with growth, achievements, and exciting discoveries!
Toxic positivity refers to the belief that people should maintain a positive attitude regardless of the adverse situation, no matter how bad that situation is. However, while a positive attitude can be very helpful in coping with difficult situations and generally having a good life, taking this attitude to extremes can causes harm on the long term.
Toxic positivity in parenting refers to the inclination of parents to dismiss or downplay their children’s negative emotions and experiences, emphasizing only positive aspects. This approach often stems from well-intentioned desire to shield children from hardship, but it can unintentionally create an environment that stifles emotional growth.
The negative effects on children:
Breaking the cycle:
While maintaining a positive atmosphere is important in parenting, it is equally crucial to recognize and address the full spectrum of emotions. Toxic positivity, though well- intentioned, can have lasting effects on children’s emotional well-being. By fostering open communication, validating emotions, and modelling healthy expressions of feelings, parents can create an environment that supports their children’s growth and resilience, ultimately preparing them for the complexities of life.
Delia Ciobanu
IBSB Student Counsellor
Some researchers suggest that the belief and at times pressure to always be happy can work to undermine our lives. This is because life is a combination of both pain and pleasure, so if we attempt to eliminate pain by seeking constant pleasure or distracting ourselves from it, we miss out on the opportunity to experience, accept, and transform it into something more.
All emotions are natural responses and interconnected
It is important to recognise that when we try to suppress negative emotions, we remove positive emotions as well. Before children are exposed to a culture that prioritizes pleasure through material possessions, they have a better understanding of what truly satisfies them – connection. This connection involves feeling understood, acknowledged by their parents and caregivers, as well as finding meaning and coherence in their surroundings.
In order to foster this sense of being understood, children require us to accept and validate all their emotions, including anger, fear, sadness, and joy. However, we can only effectively do this if we are in touch with our own emotions.
Distracting away from feelings
Distraction is a strategy often adopted by parents to redirect their children from their current experiences. While it is a commonly used approach, it is seldom the most suitable choice. This is because distraction involves manipulation, which in the long run won’t contribute to your child’s ability to find happiness.
When you consistently use distraction to steer your child away from their feelings or experiences, you inadvertently hinder their capacity to focus. Consider it this way: when your child gets hurt, has their feelings bruised, or encounters disappointments, using distraction to divert them from their emotions rather than assisting them in processing those feelings discourages them from maintaining their attention during challenging situations. You certainly wouldn’t want your child to easily lose focus when faced with difficult tasks.
One of the reasons you may find it tempting to downplay a child’s emotional experience by distracting them or invalidating their feelings is because you’re viewing the situation from your point of view, not theirs. A baby naturally experiences emotions without control. As a child matures, they can gradually learn to observe and manage their feelings, but they cannot do this in isolation. They require someone to acknowledge and support as they navigate their emotional growth.
In our strong desire to manage our children’s happiness, there are times when we inadvertently push them away when they are angry or sad. However, for optimal mental well-being, children need their emotions to be acknowledged, with guidance on expressing their feelings in socially accepted ways- a need that extends to adults as well.
Consequently, it’s crucial to acknowledge our own emotions rather than suppressing them and equally important to accept our children, whatever emotions they may be experiencing.
By assisting a child in expressing their feelings through words (or art), we aid them in processing those emotions and finding constructive ways to communicate their inner world.
Sibling rivalry is a common phenomenon in many households, and while it’s a natural part of growing up, it can be a source of frustration and tension for both parents and children. Understanding the underlying causes and employing effective strategies can help foster healthy relationships and harmony within the family on the long term.
Understanding the roots of sibling rivalry
Sibling rivalry stems from a variety of factors, including competition for parental attention, differences in temperaments and personalities, and a desire for independence. As children grow and develop, they may struggle to assert their individuality within the family dynamic, leading to conflicts with their siblings. Here are a few suggestions to bring more calm to your house:
Each child is unique with their own set of interest, talents, and strengths. Encourage and celebrate their individuality by providing opportunities for them to pursue their own hobbies and interests. This helps foster a sense of self-worth and reduce the need for competition.
Open and honest communication is crucial in any relationship, including that of siblings. Encourage your children to express their feelings and concerns, and actively listen to what they have to say. This creates an environment where they feel heard and understood, which can lead to stronger bond between siblings.
Establish clear and consistent expectations for behaviour within the family. Clearly communicate the rules and consequences, ensuring that they apply to all children. This promotes a sense of fairness and reduces the likelihood of jealousy or resentment.
Helping your children develop healthy conflict-resolution skills is an invaluable tool for navigating sibling rivalry. Teach them techniques such as active listening, expressing feelings without blame, and finding compromises. These skills will serve them well in their interactions not only with their siblings, but in all areas of their lives.
Encourage your children to put themselves in their sibling’s shoes. Help them understand that their siblings have their own challenges and feelings, and that empathy and support are crucial for maintaining a strong family bond.
Comparing one child to another can breed resentment and intensify rivalry. Instead of highlighting their differences, focus on their individual accomplishments and strengths. This helps each child feel valued and appreciated for who they are.
Balancing individual attention with family time is essential. Plan activities that the whole family can enjoy together, fostering a sense of camaraderie and shared experiences. These moments can create lasting and strengthen sibling bond.
Children learn by example, and observing healthy interactions between parents and other family members can positively influence their own behaviour. Demonstrate effective communication, empathy, and conflict resolution skills within your own relationships.
Conclusion
Sibling rivalry is a natural part of family life, but it doesn’t have to be a source of constant conflict. By understanding the underlying causes and employing effective strategies, parent can help their children build stronger bonds with their siblings. Encouraging individuality, open communication, conflict resolution skills, and patience, consistency, and love, families can create an environment where their children can grow and thrive together.
Nurturing Healthy Friendships
In a world of unprecedented change across multiple fronts, there is one thing that remains constant: the importance of building healthy friendships. As our children navigate the challenges of adolescence, it is crucial that they equip themselves with the skills needed to cultivate and maintain these meaningful connections. Here are few helpful suggestions:
1. Be Your Authentic Self
Friendship begins with authenticity. It’s vital to be yourself and embrace your uniqueness. Authenticity attracts like-minded individuals who appreciate you for who you truly are. Remember, it’s okay to have quirks, interests, and passions that make you stand out. Embrace your individuality and celebrate it!
2. Open and Honest Communication
Healthy friendships thrive on open and honest communication. Share your thoughts, feelings, and concerns with your friends, and encourage them to do the same. Listening actively and empathetically is equally important. When both sides feel heard and understood, bonds become stronger.
3. Establish Mutual Respect
Respect is the cornerstone of every healthy friendship. Treat your friends with kindness, empathy, and understanding. Respect their boundaries, opinions, and decisions, even when they differ from your own. In return, you’ll receive the same respect and trust.
4. Build Trust Gradually
Trust is something that develops over time. Be patient with the process and give your friends the opportunity to earn your trust. Keep your promises and be reliable to show your commitment to the friendship.
5. Resolve Conflicts Positively
Disagreements and conflicts are a natural part of any relationship. Instead of avoiding them, learn to address conflicts positively. Communicate your concerns calmly, listen to your friend’s perspective, and work together to find a solution that respects both parties’ feelings.
6. Nurture Common Interests
Shared interests and activities can be a great foundation for friendships. Participating in clubs, sports, or hobbies that you both enjoy can create opportunities for bonding and shared experiences.
7. Be Inclusive
Inclusivity is a crucial aspect of friendship. Be open to making new friends and including others in your circle. You never know when you’ll meet someone who brings a unique perspective to your life.
8. Support and Empower Each Other
True friends lift each other up. Celebrate your friends’ achievements and be there for them during tough times. Offer encouragement and empower your friends to pursue their dreams and aspirations.
9. Healthy Boundaries
Establishing healthy boundaries is essential to maintain balanced and respectful friendships. Be clear about your limits and respect your friends’ boundaries as well. This helps prevent misunderstandings and ensures everyone feels comfortable.
10. Be a Friend to Yourself
Lastly, remember to be a friend to yourself. Self-compassion and self-care are vital. Treat yourself with the same kindness, respect, and support that you offer your friends.
Building and maintaining healthy friendships is a lifelong journey. By embracing these principles, you’ll be well on your way to fostering meaningful, lasting relationships. As you grow and develop, your friendships will evolve too, providing you with support, joy, and companionship every step of the way.
Someone hurting your child can often feel like someone hurting you, and so it’s natural to feel the urge to want to defend your children at all costs.
Conflicts between children are often fuelled by parents
Disagreements and conflicts between children are a normal part of life when growing up, usually very manageable, and thanks to a young child’s ability to live more in the present moment, it’s easier for them to move on. For adults, however, who have fully developed brain and different thinking patterns and habits, it’s not always the same. The critical mind is much more active and sometimes too active, causing some adults to live more in the past or future than in the present moment.
This is one of the reasons why the conflicts between children are often fuelled by parents. Children have the ability to ‘’restart’’ their friendship again because they live more in the present, while adults often hold resentment and anger for that child or their parents.
Image result for poor behaviour
Despite popular opinion, poor behaviour in a child does not always reflect Parental Behaviour and Values
An interesting aspect that biases parents opinions is the belief that a child’s ‘’poor behaviour’’ is a reflection of the parents. This belief is not a general truth, however, as there are many examples of parents who have failed, despite their best efforts, to actively educate their children about the importance of values and good manners, to be kind and empathetic, with strong moral values.
Biologically, a child’s brain is not fully developed
Contrary to the popular belief that ‘’children are pure, innocent, and incapable of hurting anyone or anything’’ we need bear in mind that biologically a child’s brain is not fully developed, which is why children at an early age may be prone to hurting others (animals and people). This is because morality and empathy are dependent of a part of the brain that hasn’t yet fully developed (the neocortex). What first develops in your child’s brain is actually the lower side of the brain responsible for survival. This is why your child may appear to have an ‘’evil character’’, as their behaviour is led by their survival instincts causing them to be less empathic and more self-centred.
Interestingly the conflict between parents often reaches its peak after the kids have already made peace between. And because for adults, it’s more difficult to forgive and forget, they tend to influence their children and reopen the conflict between them again by forbidding their children to play/interact with each other.
The importance of reparenting yourself
Parenting is challenging, especially because it puts us in situations where our own childhood wounds are triggered. Parenting is not only about educating and raising your child, but also about reparenting yourself and working on your own self-development. Many times we confuse our needs with our children’s needs.
Instead of being on auto pilot when it comes to educating your child (don’t do that/do this/ etc.), try to ask yourself these questions to help bring more awareness into your parenting journey:
What is my parenting mission, my parenting philosophy?
How do I manifest this in my everyday interaction with my child?
Have I mapped out a thoughtful, mindful mission, as I would were running a major organization?
Books: The whole brain child by Daniel J. Siegel and Tina Payne Bryson; The Conscious Parent, by Shefaly Tsabary.
Empathy is the ability to understand and share the feelings of others. It’s like a superpower that helps you connect with people on a deeper level, build stronger relationships, and navigate the ups and downs of life with grace. This year, I encourage each one of you, parents and students alike, to embrace empathy as an essential tool for personal growth and a key ingredient for success in school and beyond.
For Students:
Understanding Your Peers: Starting a new school year can be both exciting and nerve-wracking. Remember that many of your peers may feel the same way. Be empathetic toward them – offer a kind word, lend a helping hand, and be a good listener.
Be Supportive: If you see someone struggling, whether academically or emotionally, reach out. Your support and empathy can make a world of difference in someone’s life.
Conflict Resolution: Empathy can also help you resolve conflicts peacefully. When you understand another person’s perspective, it becomes easier to find common ground and resolve disagreements amicably.
Practice Self-Empathy: Don’t forget to extend empathy to yourself. Be kind to yourself, acknowledge your feelings, and seek help when needed. Remember that it’s okay not to be perfect.
For Parents:
Be a Role Model: Children learn empathy by observing adults. Show them how to be empathetic by demonstrating it in your own interactions and conversations.
Open Communication: Foster open and honest communication with your children. Encourage them to share their thoughts and feelings with you. When they feel heard and understood at home, they are more likely to extend the same empathy to others.
Empower Your Children: Help your children understand the power of empathy and its importance in building strong relationships. Share stories and examples that illustrate the positive impact of empathy.
Encourage Acts of Kindness: Encourage your children to perform small acts of kindness, both at school and in the community. Whether it’s volunteering, helping a friend in need, or even just smiling at a stranger, these acts of empathy can create a ripple effect of positivity.
Empathy is a skill that transcends academic achievements and can have a profound impact on your personal and professional life. It can lead to greater happiness, improved mental health, and a more inclusive and compassionate world.
This week, I had the opportunity to offer parents a workshop to share some important insights on parenting styles, children’s temperaments, and effective boundary setting strategies. Understanding these key aspects can greatly contribute to fostering healthy relationships and nurturing your child’s development.
Parenting styles play a significant role in shaping our children’s behaviour, emotional well-being, and overall growth.
Here are the five primary parenting styles:
1. Autocratic: This style emphasizes high control and low warmth;
2. Punitive: Characterized by strict rules and harsh punishments;
3. Permissive: With low control and high warmth;
4. Democratic: A style based on open communication and mutual respect, democratic parenting is effective for all temperamental types;
5. Helicopter: This style involves overprotectiveness and excessive involvement
Children’s Temperaments
Understanding your child’s temperament can help tailor your parenting approach. In this context, temperament refers to a child’s unique behavioural and emotional traits.
The three common temperaments are:
1. Easy Temperament: These children are adaptable and responsive, making boundary setting a matter of clear expectations and security.
2. Difficult Temperament: Intense and challenging, these children require firm boundaries to provide structure and guidance.
3. Slow-to-Warm-Up Temperament: Shy and cautious, these children benefit from gradual boundary setting, consistent routines, and supportive environments.
Interactions between Parenting Styles and Temperaments: Different parenting styles interact with children’s temperaments in various ways. Autocratic parenting struggles with difficult temperaments, limits exploration for easy temperaments, and overwhelms slow-to-warm-up temperaments. Punitive parenting is detrimental to all temperamental types and Permissive parenting usually finds it challenging to establish consistent boundaries, whilst democratic parenting is generally effective with all temperamental types, fostering healthy development through open communication and mutual respect.
Boundary Setting for Different Temperaments: Each temperament requires a tailored approach to boundary setting. Easy temperaments benefit from clear boundaries for security and understanding expectations. Difficult temperaments need firm boundaries to provide structure and guidance. Slow-to-warm-up temperaments benefit from gradual boundary setting, consistent routines, and support to help them adapt gradually.
Effective Discipline Strategies: In promoting positive behaviour and growth, it’s essential to have effective discipline strategies. Identifying triggers for challenging behaviour is crucial. Responding calmly, setting clear expectations, and enforcing consistent consequences can guide appropriate actions. Reacting with empathy, modelling healthy emotional expression, and problem-solving skills shapes positive reactions. Age-appropriate timeouts can also be employed to aid self-regulation and reflection.
Transitioning to a Democratic Parenting Style: Transitioning to a democratic parenting style encourages healthy parent-child relationships. Here is a guide to help you embrace this style:
· Engage in self-reflection and understanding
· Recognize the need for change
· Establish open communication channels with your child
· Involve your child in decision-making processes
· Set clear and reasonable boundaries
· Embrace consistency and flexibility in your approach
· Foster problem-solving skills in your child
· Model democratic behaviour and mutual respect
· Seek support and guidance from professionals if needed
· Embrace the journey of growth and continuous learning
Despite everything your child says and does to the contrary, she/he wants rules and consequences. Children need to know where the boundaries are because they know instinctively that they need adult protection to survive. Without you to show them what’s safe and what’s not, what’s acceptable and what’s not, your child could get hurt. Their behaviour is not a demand for no rules; it’s a demand that you stick to them.
If your child has been displaying defiant behaviour, take all of the nit-picky rules off the table for now and focus on a few rules that can increase the safety and peace in your home. You are not letting the other behaviours slide, you are taking a systematic approach to effective enforcement that’s going to take a few weeks or months to round out.
Forming the most important rules:
Divide the rules you’d like to see in your home into three categories: very important, less important, and negotiable. To do this, make a list of all the problem behaviours that you think need correcting.
Next, put a checkmark next to the three behaviours you think are most problematic. Alone or with your partner, form a ‘’Most Important rules’’ list using no more than three checked behaviours from your list.
Some appropriate rules for the ‘’Most important’’ list could be:
The rules you choose should be age-appropriate and based on a problem you currently have. So, if you don’t have a problem with destruction of property, a rule against putting holes in the walls is not only unnecessary, it could backfire by showing and already defiant kid where he can find another button to push on your already overloaded control panel. These will be the basic, non-negotiable rules for your household from this day forward, no exceptions.
Forming less important rules:
Take another look at your list.
Now that you clarified your priorities, choose 3 to 5 more behaviours that you’d like to see corrected later, after your child has a handle on obeying the top 3 rules. These are behaviours that are certainly disruptive, but that you can live with for a few more weeks because they don’t directly harm you, your child, or anybody else. Make a list of 3 to 5 new, less important rules based on this list. The rules should be specific to behaviours, not general attitudes or attitude oriented. Some examples could be:
These will be a non-negotiable at a later date. Writing them down now can give you comfort because you can get some peace from knowing they will be resolved soon. But for now, put a star next to these and save them for later.
You will also create a third set of rules that you negotiate with your child after that
If you are dealing with a defiant child or you are confused about how to implement discipline in your house, I recommend you read The everything parent’s guide to the defiant child, by Lesse Jayne Rutherford and Kathleen Nickerson.
Many families face the challenge of a separation or divorce. Whatever the cause, is difficult for everyone and can be very upsetting and confusing for the children.
Parental separation and divorce aren’t merely events; they’re evolving processes that touch on many aspects of a child’s life.
Seeing less of one or both parents, moving between homes with different rules, and dealing with changes in family finances or parental employment all add up to big adjustments for a child.
Research informs that it is not the split itself, but the conflict between parents that hurt kids most. Although it can be hard to do when feelings are running high, communicating and cooperating with your ex is the best gift you can give your child to help soften the impact of separation or divorce.
WHEN ADULTS ARE CIVIL TOWARD EACH OTHER AFTER A SEPARATION, CHILDREN COPE MUCH BETTER WITH THE EXPERIENCE.
Here are some helpful ideas to help you support your children through the process of separation:
2-3 years old
Give lots of comfort. Children facing big events often erupt over small triggers because they have no coping reserves left. Respond to overwhelm with soothing.
Setbacks are normal- children may regress- crying at bedtimes, having separation anxiety. Be patient.
4-5 years old
Inform the school. Let your child’s teachers know, so they can be understanding of any changes in behaviour.
Be a united front. Be polite to your ex so your child doesn’t feel awkward about having you both at events, such as school assemblies and concerts.
6-7 years old
Children this age may blame themselves for the split. Explain repeatedly that it wasn’t their fault. Help them figure out what and how to tell their friends. Your children may also fantasise about reconciliation, which can hold back recovery and make it harder for them to accept when you move on. Tell them this is an adult decision they can’t influence.
The truth is that it is going to being a difficult time for children when their parents separate, so putting you children first by making every effort to reduce their levels of stress and anxiety is highly recommended.
Although it might be ideal that we don’t always experience positive emotions, the negative emotions are as important part of our experience as the positive ones.
Dealing with grief and loss, however, can be a difficult and challenging experience for anyone, especially for a young person still learning to how to manage their emotions.
As a school counsellor, I understand the importance of providing support and guidance to students and their families during these times. Here are some tips and strategies for students and parents to help navigate grief and loss:
For Students
Talk to Someone You Trust
When dealing with grief and loss, it’s important to talk to someone you trust. This can be a friend, a family member, or a school counsellor. Sharing your feelings and emotions can help you process your grief and find comfort and support.
Take Care of Yourself
Taking care of yourself is crucial when dealing with grief and loss. This means getting enough sleep, eating healthy, and engaging in activities that bring you joy. It’s also important to take time for self-care, investing time in meditation, exercise, or hobbies that help you relax.
Connect with Others
Connecting with others who have experienced similar losses can be helpful when dealing with grief. You can join a support group or connect with others online who have gone through similar experiences. Having a community of support can help you feel less alone and provide comfort and understanding.
Loss of Friendship
The loss of a friendship can also be a difficult experience for students. It’s important to remember that it’s okay to grieve the loss of a friendship, and that it’s a natural part of life. You can talk to a school counsellor or trusted adult about your feelings, and try to connect with others who share your interests or hobbies.
Divorce
Divorce can also be a challenging experience for students. It’s important to remember that you are not alone and that many other students have gone through similar experiences. You can talk to a school counsellor or trusted adult about your feelings, and try to maintain a positive relationship with both parents.
For Parents:
Listen and Validate
When your child is dealing with grief and loss, it’s important to listen actively and validate their feelings and emotions. Let your child know that it’s okay to feel sad, angry, or confused and that you are there to support them.
Be Patient
Grief is a process, and it can take time for your child to process their emotions. Be patient and understanding, and let your child take the time they need to grieve. Encourage them to talk to a school counsellor or mental health professional if they need additional support.
Provide Stability and Routine
During times of grief, it can be helpful to provide stability and routine for your child. This means sticking to regular schedules for meals, sleep, and schoolwork, and providing opportunities for relaxation and self-care.
Loss of Friendship
The loss of a friendship can also be a difficult experience for children. It’s important to listen actively to your child’s feelings, and provide them with opportunities to connect with others who share their interests or hobbies.
Divorce
Divorce can also be a challenging experience for children. It’s important to maintain a positive relationship with both parents and avoid putting children in the middle of any conflicts. Encourage your child to talk to a school counsellor or trusted adult about their feelings, and provide them with stability and routine during this difficult time.
Dealing with grief and loss can be a challenging and emotional experience, but it’s important to remember that support is available. As a school counsellor, I am here to provide support and guidance to students and their families.
Please don’t hesitate to reach out if you need assistance or support.
As your child gains a better understanding of their personal emotions and thoughts, they may begin to keep a journal in which they can write down things they prefer to keep private. While checking their journal may be tempting, it’s recommended to respect your children’s space and right to privacy.
When you are cleaning your child’s bedroom, it is quite possible that you may find a diary or notebook with the title similar to this: ‘’My Diary- Don’t touch!’’
Around the age of 8-12, children start to go through a wide range of mixed feelings and emotions. Writing down their feelings and emotions can have a positive effect on their mental health as it can help them to externalize, process, and organize their thoughts and feelings better.
For sure you may be curious about your child’s inner world. You may even be concerned that they may be keeping secrets from you and no longer trust you. However, their journal is an important element in developing an independent voice as they grow older and should be respected.
Diaries are proof that your child is learning there are boundaries between what they think and what they tell you and other people.
A journal provides a secure place for your children to express their feelings, especially those that are typically frowned upon by adults, such as hatred or jealousy. Your child’s writing abilities and memory will also increase by this age, so they’ll find it fascinating to create a private space where they can say whatever they want freely, without fear of adult judgement.
What to do when you find your child’s diary:
1. Don’t read it! You risk losing your child’s trust and affecting confidence if they discover you have read their journal. Most probably, there is just a basic retelling of their day’s happenings.
2. Welcome it. Do not see your child’s journal as an attempt to exclude you. Be pleased that they are developing their ability to reflect on their experiences. Writing in a journal has been shown in studies to lower stress and promote health.
3. Talk about good and bad secrets. It is important to explain why keeping bad secrets can affect us in the long term. Common feelings that we experience when we keep certain types of secrets are: sadness, worry, and fear. A ‘’good secret’’, owever, such as a surprise party or a gift, can give us feelings of excitement. Advise your children to speak with an adult if they are hiding something negative or serious.
4. Stay connected. Spend quality time together so your children have the chance to confide in you. Bring into conversation their friends and their relationship with them. It is common for children to open up more when the setting is neutral, such as in the car or while walking to or from the park. Highlight that you are always available if they need to talk.
5. Take their concerns seriously. Their issues are important to them, even if they look irrelevant to adults. Active listening with your children will help them gain more trust in you and open up about their problems. A good technique to use with them instead of just offering advice is to ask them: ‘’What do you think might help?’’
The world has changed a lot in recent years. Looking back to the time of Shakespeare, the pre-eminent question might have been “To be, or not to be?” In 2023, things have moved on considerably, with the question on many parents’ minds being something more along the lines of, “To give my child a smartphone, or not give my child a smartphone?’
In spite of the fact that many parents and guardians hold off until their children reach double digits before granting them a phone, the technological drive toward developing a digitally connected society may require parents to set some technology rules much sooner than you think.
When should you give your child a smartphone?
A common situation that often creates confusion for parents is when their child asks for a smartphone as a birthday present whilst still in primary school. At this age, many parents think that a phone will help to keep their children safe, but at the same time are not sure if their children are old enough to have one, hearing conflicting views from friends and family that leaves them feeling confused about the best way to proceed.
For a child, a phone is simply a digital toy with multiple functions; a toy that can be used to play games, take photos, listen to music, watch videos, and send messages, just as you are doing. But unlike you, your child isn’t fully developed able to understand that phones, whilst fun, can also be dangerous, affecting their physical and cognitive development, the development of their social skills, and their overall health and wellbeing. The research is clear on this: excessive phone use is not recommended for young children.
You may, however, be tempted to give your child a phone for security reasons in order to be able to contact them easily. Before taking this decision, please consider if they are mature enough to not lose or break it, and if they do, will this lead to arguments? Also, are they likely to be distracted from other important activities, like reading from books and relating with friends and family face to face?
In the end, there is no absolute right answer to this question, though many IT industry leaders, including Steve Jobs and Bill Gates, who are aware of the dangers of smart devices and the algorithms that multimedia sites use, have openly stated that children really should not be given a smart device until they are at least 13 years old, or if they are should certainly have their screen time limited to the minimum possible.
Welcome to the Future
Whilst taking this into account, we must also accept reality, being that we are part of a world where having a smartphone is now normal in society, so it is natural for our children to want one too. Children also to some degree see owning a smartphone as a status symbol and a sign of maturity, that can impress their friends, and a social tool that allows them to connect with their friends and the world around them.
How to respond to your child’s request?
The first option to just say no. Most children have little concept of the value of money, the cost of a phone, and the cost of being connected. Many also think it is their birth-right to have a phone, because their friends have one, rather than something they have to prove they are ready for. Tell them that phones are expensive and that they have to prove they are mature enough and responsible enough to use such a device, and that they will be able to enjoy this privilege when they are older.
Ask what they want to do with a phone. As I mentioned before, most of the time children want a phone to play games, take photos, or message friends. For these activities, they can use a tablet or computer, and don’t actually need a phone. Another alternative is to allow your children restricted access to your phone. In both these situations, their use should be monitored and time limited.
Discuss the downside of technology. In responding to your children’s request for a phone, it is important to point out that people who spend too much time on their phones often develop different types of problems. What is important is to be open about the consequences of using technology too much, such as taking away time from sleeping, studying, talking face to face, playing sports, and spending quality time with others, or going outside to enjoy nature and the world.
Model balanced phone use. What many parents don’t realise is that non-verbal language is much stronger than the verbal. It is useless to tell your child to not to something if you do the opposite. As parents, we also need to put our phones away during meals and other important family times, to show good manners and to teach our child that we value in-person interaction.
Build up gradually. In the end, we have to accept that we all live in a modern world, and so we can’t forbid all technology use, because technology has become a necessity. Even so, it is important to maintain a balance between technology and interpersonal contact for a healthy psychological and physical development. Start your child’s technology journey in a measured way, guiding and monitoring their use step by step, so that in time they become responsible smart device users, navigating the internet in a safe and healthy way.
Delia Ciobanu
IBSB Student Counsellor
Further reading
Students ‘cannot multi-task with mobiles and study’ – BBC News
Nearly four in 10 university students addicted to smartphones, study finds | Health | The Guardian
Screen Time and the Brain | Harvard Medical School
The effect of smartphone use on mental effort, learning, and creativity – ScienceDirect
Holidays are an important time for family members to come together to spend quality time with one another. These Easter holidays should be seen as a great opportunity to take some time off and focus on what’s truly important in life – our relationships with the people we love.
During the holiday break, I encourage all families to take some time to relax and have fun. Whether that means going on a trip, having a staycation, or just spending time at home together, it’s important to prioritise quality time with our loved ones.
It’s also important to remember that holidays can be a difficult time for some people. For those who may not have close relationships with family or who may be experiencing difficult times, holidays can be a reminder of what they don’t have. If you know someone who might be struggling during the holiday season, I would encourage you to reach out and offer your support. Even a simple phone call or message can make a big difference.
In terms of mental health, holidays can have a significant impact on our overall well-being. Taking a break from our regular routines and responsibilities can help us recharge and reset, enabling us to return to our daily lives feeling refreshed and rejuvenated. It’s important to use this time to take care of ourselves – whether that means getting enough rest, engaging in activities we enjoy, or simply taking some time to reflect on our lives and goals.
Therefore, as these Easter holidays, I encourage everyone to take full advantage of this special time to connect with family, enjoy some much-needed rest and relaxation, and prioritize our mental health and well-being over work. Whether you celebrate Easter or not, this holiday is a great opportunity to focus on what truly matters in life – the people we love.
Cristina Latcu
IBSB Student Counsellor
Spring has finally arrived, bringing with it longer days, warmer weather, and the promise of new beginnings. However, for some students, this season can also bring a heightened sense of anxiety and depression. It’s important to take care of our mental health, especially during this time of year.
According to the World Health Organization, approximately one in four people in the world will experience some form of mental health issue at some point in their lives.
Spring can be a challenging time for those who struggle with mental health. The sudden changes in weather and daylight can for some disrupt their sleep patterns and mood. Additionally, students may experience added stress as they prepare for exams or the end of the academic year.
It’s important for students to prioritize self-care during this time of year. This can include getting enough sleep, eating a healthy diet, and staying physically active.
As we enter the spring season, it is also important to remember that seasonal affective disorder (SAD) can be a real issue for some people. SAD is a type of depression that occurs during the winter months, but it can also persist into the spring and summer. Symptoms of SAD can include fatigue, feelings of hopelessness, and difficulty concentrating.
Fortunately, there are many things we can do to help support our mental health and well-being. Getting regular exercise, practicing mindfulness and meditation, and staying connected with loved ones are all great ways to reduce stress and improve mood.
Now, with spring in sight and warmer weather, we can combat the negative effects of spring on mental health by spending time outdoors. Studies have shown that spending time in nature can have a positive impact on mental health, reducing symptoms of anxiety and depression. Whether it’s taking a walk in the park, going for a bike ride, or simply sitting outside and enjoying the sunshine, spending time outside can help improve mood and reduce stress.
As we move into spring, let’s prioritize our mental health and take care of ourselves. By practicing self-care and seeking professional help when necessary, we can ensure that we are ready to tackle the challenges of the season and enjoy all that spring has to offer.
Parenting a child with special needs for life can be a substantial challenge. They may have behaviours or medical problems that create extra stress and difficulties for the parents, which can cause parents to feel a degree of anxiety. Thankfully, there are strategies that parents can use to overcome the challenges of parenting a child with special needs.
1. Educate yourself about your child’s condition. This means learning about their diagnosis, treatments, and prognosis. You should also become familiar with any services that are available to help support your child. This will provide you with the information you need to make informed decisions about your child’s care.
2. Build a strong support system. This includes family members, friends, and professionals who can help provide emotional and practical support. Having a strong support system in place can reduce the stress of parenting a child with special needs and make it easier to manage the challenges.
3. Reach out to support networks that may be available. There are many support networks available for parents of children with special needs. These networks can provide valuable information and resources, as well as emotional support. Parents should make an effort to find and connect with other parents in similar situations to share experiences and offer support.
4. Be flexible and patient. Parenting a child with special needs can be unpredictable, and you may need to adjust your approach and expectations as needed. Additionally, it is important to be patient with your child and yourself. Taking time to recognize your successes and acknowledge your mistakes will help you stay focused on your goals.
5. Take care of yourself. One of the most important things a parent of a child with special needs can do is to make sure they are taking care of themselves. This means getting enough rest, eating a balanced diet, and engaging in activities that are relaxing and enjoyable. This is a very important aspect that unfortunately too many parents are skipping, thinking that it is selfish or that they don’t have enough time. By taking care of yourselves, you will be better equipped to handle the demands of parenting a child with special needs. If you find yourself feeling overwhelmed and worrying too much, you may want to consult a professional to help you manage your emotions and parenting life. Taking care of your mental health as a parent will have positive effect not only on you, but also on your children and family.
When it comes to parenting children with special needs, parents tend to develop moral qualities that can change their life perspective for the better. Your child is unique, but also you as a parent are unique. Being part of your child’s journey can help you develop more strength, gratitude, resilience compassion, patience, and an overall better understanding of yourself and your values.
Delia Ciobanu
IBSB Student Counsellor
No matter how much we wish our decisions were based on sound logic and reason, cognitive bias often leads us to make faulty decisions due to a systematic error in our thinking. Cognitive (information- processing) biases affects all areas of our life, including parenting.
Here are some tips to avoid cognitive biases in your parenting process.
A common bias occurs when we believe our children have the same needs as we had in the past when we were children. For instance, if you experienced being overly controlled by your parents when you were a child, you may be biased towards granting your own children more freedom and independence than you had. This could be in the form of not wanting to interject in their decisions or influence them in any way. However, it is important to remember the needs of children have changed and evolved over time, and may not be the same as when you were growing up.
If you were the kind of person who was capable of making decisions independently, your child may not be the same way and require more direction. Refusing to provide your child with guidance because of your own experiences with your parents may have a negative psychological impact, causing them to feel neglected or insignificant.
Rather than making assumptions based on your own childhood experience, it is better to ask your child what their needs are in different situations if you are unsure.
The research indicates that childhood trauma can lead to cognitive biases, such as attributing causes to external forces, misinterpretations, and drawing false conclusions. This can manifest itself in the parenting process, leading to distress and emotional imbalance for the child. When we struggle to build a relationship with ourselves, it can be difficult to also create a bond with our children. Thus, it is important to recognize when we might be overreacting to our children due to past experiences, rather than the present.
Parenting is an incredibly rewarding experience that helps us to better understand ourselves and the world around us. It provides an opportunity to develop our capacity to love, nurture, and support another person. The challenges of parenting can be both rewarding and difficult. From sleepless nights to stressful days, parenting can be a challenge, but it is an important part of adult life.
If you find that your emotions and reactions are at times overwhelming, it may be worthwhile seeking professional assistance to help maintain a healthy relationship with your family.
Delia Ciobanu
IBSB Student Counsellor
This week, IBSB organised a parent workshop where we talked about the feelings of guilt and shame that parents often experience.
There is no secret that being a parent can trigger the most beautiful emotions out of us, but also the worst. When we are feeling overwhelmed by guilt and shame, we tend to control the outside and ultimately our children.
It is important to know that emotions labelled as negative are meant to move us toward change. Those ‘’negative’’ emotions are meant to feel uncomfortable, because without discomfort, we wouldn’t be motivated to change anything.
What is guilt?
It is a feeling triggered when we act against our own set of values or principles: ‘’I’ve done something wrong…’’
By identifying our own values and trying to adapt our parenting style according to our values, we can reduce the feeling of guilt.
What is shame?
It is the pain experienced of believing that you are inferior, defective in some way, in part or whole, feeling ‘’there is something wrong with me’’. Shame is triggered when we fail to reach a standard or ideal. It tells you that you need to control other people’s opinion of you. Or else you hide so they don’t consider you at all. The lie is that if you can get others to accept you, you will feel acceptable.
Parenting roles
In our daily life we play different roles: the role of a mother, friend, wife, husband, manager, etc. Also, when we are parenting we may adopt different roles. The most common roles in parenting are the ‘’rescuer’’ and ‘’ coach’’. None of these roles are wrong. The secret is to adopt a conscious way of parenting and understand when is the moment to be a rescuer or a coach for your kid.
Rescuer
Parents who sees themselves as protectors tend to prevent their kids from making mistakes. They don’t want anything bad to happen to them. If you see your role as more of a rescuer, your goal may be to protect your child and their happiness.
Coach
Parents who view themselves as guides or teachers or managers know that mistakes enable children to learn. They are willing to let their children make their own way through the world and don’t try to define success for them.
Releasing guilt and shame
When we are spending too much time in the role of a protector or rescuer we take on too much responsibility. We are not letting the children find their own path in life, which can lead to feelings of guilt and shame in the long term. As parents, we need to create space in our children’s life for mistakes and pain. Only through experience will they learn how to cope with their own emotions and feelings later in life.
Another way to help you cope with guilt is to identify which are the situations when you need to adopt the role of rescuer or a guide. Once you become aware of these roles, you may notice how some of your responsibilities simply fade away by realising the feeling of guilt and shame.
During the workshop this week, participants offered some insights based on their personal experiences and gained new perspectives by listening to others talk about their parenting style.
If this has sparked your curiosity, we invite you to our next workshop sessions in order to support you on your parenting journey.
Delia Ciobanu
IBSB Student Counsellor
QUICK FACTS:
Chronic Absenteeism (missing more than 10% of days enrolled for any reason) is the single strongest predictor of students achieving grades below their potential.
Students who miss a month or more of kindergarten, for example, are likely to perform poorly in Year 1, particularly in reading.
By Year 7, a pattern of chronic absence becomes a key indicator of students unlikely to succeed at university. Research also shows that student success in Year 10 is a good indicator they are likely to graduate high school with a good set of grades.
HOW CAN I HELP MY CHILD?
• Let your child know that you think school is important
• Make sure your child goes to school regularly and on time
• Take an interest in your child’s school work
• Set a regular bedtime schedule. Age should not be a factor
• Provide your child with plenty of time to get ready for school
• Provide regular times and a quiet, clean area for doing homework
• Maintain regular communication with the school.
• If your child is ill, contact the school and explain the reason for the absence
• Don’t expect your older children to stay home and act as babysitters for younger children
• Set a good example and enforce rules
• Include regular exercise and a balanced diet in your child’s daily activities
• Post the school calendar and notes on the refrigerator, or another prominent location
• Limit and balance extracurricular activities
• Keep open communication lines with your child
ATTENDANCE
Talking to your child, regarding the importance of attendance, is another example of responsible parenting.
More on Daily Attendance:
Children who miss school miss out on opportunities to learn, build lasting friendships, and develop the skills and attitudes needed to become good citizens and valued employees. There is a clear connection between student attendance and student performance in school. Data shows that higher attendance equals higher achievement for all students.
Strategies To Get To School On Time & Be Responsible:
The night before:
• Finish all homework
• Put your work in the backpack and in a place ready to go (by the door). Shower or Bathe in the evening so you don’t have to in the morning
• Prepare your clothes to be ready for the next day
• Make lunch if you don’t get a school lunch
• Set your alarm clock
• Get a good night sleep
The morning of school:
• Get up right when the alarm goes off or when parent/guardian comes to wake you up
• Get dressed right away
• Clean up and brush your teeth without reminders from your parents
• Eat your breakfast early to ensure you have enough time
• Remind others we need to BE ON TIME!
• Help others who need it!
• Don’t forget your backpack and homework
• Leave enough time to drive or walk and participate in the Line Up before 8:30am
We all want our children to be confident, eager learners, so when your children’s anxieties about their abilities make them think it’s not worth trying, they’ll need your help to cope with their sense of rising self-doubt and to embrace the idea that “I can’t do it” comes with a “…yet!”
‘’I can’t do it’’, is a common response when your children feel anxious that they don’t know what to do. This anxiety triggers the fight-or-flight response in their brain, which means the rational part stops working, and so they really cannot work out how to tackle the task, whatever it may be.
In response to this situation, you may feel frustrated or worried that your child tends to give up too quickly and easily, whenever they are not instantly successful. Your first instinct will likely be to give them a pep talk and tell them they can do it, but they won’t believe you because your words do not match their feelings.
It takes courage to keep trying with difficult tasks. Your child hasn’t yet learned that feeling stuck is temporary. They interpret their struggle as a sign that they lack ability, so they feel hopeless, and as such they need your support to persevere past self-doubt.
TO BELIEVE IT, CHILDREN NEED MANY EXPERIENCES SHOWING THAT EFFORT LEADS TO PROGRESS.
How to respond in the moment:
In the long term:
Above all else, be patient, positive, and optimistic that tomorrow will deliver a brighter day.
Parenting is a beautiful contradiction. A push and pull, the of shedding parts that no longer serve us, losing ourselves and finding more of ourselves. Without a doubt, parenting is the ultimate highway to personal growth. And nothing brings our shadows into focus more than the reflections our children offer. While we try to teach our children all about life, it is our children who often unknowingly teach us what life is all about. Here are some lessons we can learn from our children.
We live in a society where we seem to cherish material achievements more than anything. It is easy to get lost into illusions, such as the belief that you can only be happy when you will achieve X and Y. We all too often forget that life is about what is happening now. Pure joy comes from the small and sometimes unexpected things. Small children show us this daily: the happiness on their face when they see you, the joy when they play a game. Small children don’t need lots of material things in order to be happy, they just need our attention and our love.
We all too often carry prejudices and fears of what people may think or say about us. Sometimes this is one of the main reason why we don’t let ourselves live a fulfilling life. In this respect, it is worthwhile taking the time to watch your children or to remember when they were small. Children truly enjoy themselves, laugh, and have fun because they are not worrying or watching out for what people think or say about them. They live in the moment and enjoy life to the full
Someone once said: when we lose our sense of curiosity, it’s almost like we die a little inside. Therefore, continue to ask the simple questions and to be curious about life, enjoying the process of learning new things, and remember that curiosity leads us towards self-fulfilment, to start asking questions again! The average child is said to ask 100 questions a day. How many to ask?
Adults don’t often speak freely. We’re afraid of our words being misinterpreted or worse still rejected, or of what other people will say, or of bothering other people. When we always say what we think other people want to hear, and not what we really think or feel, we don’t feel good inside. Children often show us how to express ourselves sincerely without feeling guilty about respecting others needs and boundaries. Their blunt honesty is often refreshing, even humorous, because there is never any ill will attached and we sense this.
Have you ever seen a child fall without getting up? Life works the same way. It’s usually our minds that limit us. Our fear of failing often anchors us to the spot, and so we cease to move forward along the path ahead.
It is important to be aware that children often trigger wounds from our past. Take the time needed to reflect on your own self-development. We are parents who are healing generational wounds and shaping future generations. To create a more connected and emotionally healthy world, we must walk hand-in-hand with the child-parts of ourselves and the little humans who we are parenting. When we bridge the gap, we realize that we aren’t that different. In fact, we are on the exact same team, learning and growing together.
If you are curious to know more about your inner child and to learn how to stop reacting to triggers, I highly recommend reading Healing your lost inner child, by Robert Jackman.
Many children get set a certain amount of homework once they start elementary school, with the amount steadily increasing year on year. For many children, though, when they come after a day of lessons, the last thing they want to do is sit down and do more schoolwork, actively seeking out excuses to avoid it.
‘’Homework is boring!‘’
The first step is to clarify whether your child does in fact have homework, and then maybe to discover what your child means when she says homework is boring. Do they mean that it’s not as fun as playing or that that they are not sure how to do it? Once you’ve listened, understood, and helped them look at the task, they are more likely to get down to it.
Your child is learning the skills and self-discipline they need to do homework. Don’t get angry with their repeated refusals. It’s tempting to help them do it, but that would send the wrong message—that if they make enough fuss, you’ll do it for them. Your role as a parent is to give them good habits and show them how to become responsible.
‘’I don’t want to do this homework’’
At this developmental stage, sitting and listening in school all day takes a lot of self-control. An after-school snack will help your child refuel. Some kids do best getting homework out of the way early; others need a play before starting homework.
To begin, don’t stress yourself out about the situation. At your child’s age, practicing a bit of math or reading at home can help them gain academic skills and confidence, but learning through play is still essential. If homework becomes dreaded, painful, or lengthy, talk to your child’s teacher about how to modify it. Fewer or easier problems, fewer days, and mental rather than written practice are all options.
Stay positive and close. Model a positive attitude toward schoolwork. If you see it as a dreaded chore, so will your child. Sitting nearby—working cheerfully on your own “homework”—may make it easier for your child to start or continue her work. You’re also available if they have questions.
In the long term you can use the next strategies:
Use “when…then…” Tell your child, “When you do your homework without complaining, then we have time to play a short game together.” This provides a visible goal and reward as extrinsic motivation until the intrinsic motivation eventually develops.
Set up a homework base. Create a place for your children to do their homework. Clear away any distractions, such as devices and toys, and equip it with all they need— pencils, erasers, and crayons.
Make it fun. Being playful can make homework more fun. Set up an audience of admiring stuffed animals to watch your child do work. Use a puppet who gets excited when she gets a problem right. Dance or move to make math facts active. Talk with a silly accent. Read books on topics they find fascinating.
Helping kids work through homework challenges can be tricky, but in the end, it helps them be more independent and confident student.
I hope this has been of some practical help to you. Good luck!
Your children love you and want to be with you, so when your job takes you away or intrudes into the time you have together, they may feel disappointed or resentful. For the same reason, they may also ask, “Why do I have to go to school?”
“Why do you have to go to work?”
This question is not a philosophical pondering of the complexities of work-family balance. Your children are just frustrated that you can’t do something they want you to do. They like it when you take them to school and would protest any obstacle to that.
“I have to do what I have to do.”
Every family’s solutionto managing work and childcare carries pros and cons. If you are matter-of-fact about the solution that works best for your family right now, your children will be, too. Occasional grumbling doesn’t necessarily mean there’s a problem.
“I wish Mommy could always do what I want her to do.”
You know all the reasons why you work, but your children only vaguely understand that you go to work, just like they go to school, and sometimes you can’t do what they want because of work. Your attitude toward your work will influence theirs.
MODEL A POSITIVE ATTITUDE TOWARD WORK, BUT AVOID LETTING IT SPILL INTO FAMILY TIME.
How to respond to your children:
While reading a few articles on how to train our mind to stay focused and how to deal with challenging situations, I found a very interesting resource that could shed some light onto the subject. It is called ‘The Habits of Mind’.
The Habits of Mind nourishes students’ social-emotional learning and aims to improve the performance of students under challenging conditions. This is particularly useful when students feel overwhelmed by the exam session, because it instills discipline into their thinking.
Clicking on the link attached here https://core-docs.s3.amazonaws.com/documents/asset/uploaded_file/1658111/Habits_of_Mind_Full_Chart.pdf you will learn how to identify each thinking pattern, when they are helpful, and most importantly, how to use them to your benefit!
We use the term “Habits of Mind” to mean having a disposition toward behaving intelligently when confronted with problems to which we do not immediately know the answers. When humans experience dichotomies, are confused by dilemmas, or come face to face with uncertainties, our most effective actions require drawing forth certain patterns of intellectual behaviour. When we draw upon these intellectual resources, the results that we produce are more powerful, of higher quality, and of greater significance than if we fail to employ those patterns of intellectual behaviours.
Employing Habits of Mind requires a composite of many skills, attitudes, cues, past experiences, and proclivities. It means that we value one pattern of thinking over another, and therefore it implies choice making about which pattern should be employed at which time. It includes sensitivity to the contextual cues in a situation signalling that it is an appropriate time and circumstance to employ this pattern. It requires a level of skilfulness to employ and carry through the behaviours effectively over time. Finally, it leads individuals to reflect on, evaluate, modify, and carry forth to future applications their learnings.
For a more detailed reading, you can access this link: https://thesystemsthinker.com/habits-of-mind-strategies-for-disciplined-choice-making/
As an international school with a large and growing community of international families, the experience of relocation is something that many of our families have to deal with on a regular basis.
To small children, home is their entire world, so the sight of it being dismantled in front of their very eyes can be overwhelming. By trying to consider the experience from their point of view, there is a lot you can do to help him settle sooner.
Moving is one of life’s most stressful experiences. And while some children will view it as a huge adventure – depending on age, temperament, and circumstances – others will focus on the loss of leaving their old home and everything familiar.
Unless you explain it to them in a language and in way that they understand, children may also be confused by what’s happening. For example, they may not realise that they can take all their belongings with them or that their pets can come too. They may also be anxious to see the familiar objects they have grown up with—including their toys—disappear into huge boxes. If you’re relocating, older children in particular will worry about starting a new school and finding new friends. Taking a little time to help your child understand what to expect can make the transition smoother for the whole family.
Tell your child that a home is not about the building, but the love that happens inside.
Prepare for change. Take your child on a tour of your new home. Explain the process so they understand it is switching from living in one place to another, not going on vacation.
Explain why you are packing. If you start putting children’s things into huge boxes, your child may think they are disappearing for good or getting thrown away. Explain that they are just being stored safely for the move and he will see them again soon.
Enlist your child’s help. No matter your child’s age, moving feels like a decision made by adults. Help your children feel more in control by asking them to help with packing, for example, by putting their favourite things in a special box. Let them draw or write on the boxes to keep them busy and to show what’s inside.
Let them make future plans: to help your child feel more comfortable in his new home, give them as many safe choices as possible about how to make it cozy. Maybe they could choose the colour of their new bedroom, arrange their stuffed animals, or decide where the bookcase goes.
Pack up their old room last and unpack the new one first. Having a safe place with all his things at your new home will help your child feel more secure. Put their boxes into the moving van last so they are immediately at hand when you arrive.
Get childcare on moving day. Moving is stressful for everyone, so ask a close friend, relative or sister to take your child out for the day. You will be able to give your full attention once everything is moved in.
Be upbeat. Even if your family’s new changes are the result of a job loss or parental separation, be upbeat. Children pick up on and take in parents’ feelings. If you feel ready to make the best of it, so will they.
Stick to a routine. Your child needs predictability to feel at home. Follow the usual bath and bedtime routine as soon as you are in your new place. This lets your child now that whatever else is changing, he ca always rely on things to happen.
January is considered the most depressing month of the year, meaning that our mood is generally lower, the level of energy is decreasing, and we do not really feel “like ourselves” anymore. If these changes persist, we start wondering if we are depressed or if we will snap out of it.
Studies show that anaemia and depression are two health conditions that may have some associations. Research suggests that people with anaemia may in fact develop symptoms of depression, such as low mood, low self-esteem, and loss of interest in daily activities.
What is the link between anaemia and depression?
A 2022 study published in the Journal of Affective Disorders indicates that people with anaemia may develop depression as a result of:
Research is still ongoing, but what we already know might help to explain why therapy on its own might not be efficient for everyone. If a person experiences symptoms of anaemia, depression, or both, they should contact a doctor immediately.
The studies available on this topic, which are well worth reading, can be found at these hyperlinks:
www.onlinelibrary.wiley.com/doi/10.1111/acps.12595
www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/books/NBK499994/
www.sciencedirect.com/science/article/abs/pii/S0165032722006759
It’s upsetting when your child tells you that others have been mean to him. It’s also natural to want to protect your child from hurt. But as children learn to socialize, they need to learn to cope with a degree of “normal” social pain.
For example, a scenario would be when your child tells you that other boy wouldn’t let him join in their game at break time.
‘’They’re being mean to me!’’
Kids can be mean.They’re impulsive and their empathy isn’t fully developed, so it’s likely that at some point your child will be teased or excluded. Your child might also misinterpret neutral or thoughtless actions as deliberate meanness.
‘’Is my child being bullied? Do I need to do something?’’
Not every unkind actcounts as bullying.
Bullying involves deliberate meanness, usually over a period of time and often by a child who is bigger,
tougher, or more socially powerful than the one being targeted. Kids can learn to handle ordinary meanness, but bullying requires adult intervention.
“I’m angry and hurt and a little bit scared. I wish a grown-up would make them be nice to me!”
Learning to handle conflict and ordinary meanness is an essential social skill. Offer comfort and ask what happened, step by step, to discover the details, so you can correct misunderstandings or help your child cope
AS A PARENT, YOUR JOB IS TO TEACH HIM TO DEAL WITH FRIENDSHIP ISSUES HIMSELF.
Ways to respond when your child is facing difficulties with friendships:
Delia Ciobanu
IBSB Student Counsellor
How does a beautiful baby grow up to be a bully—or to abduct, rape, or shoot another human being? At the extreme, how does such an innocent infant become a sociopath or psychopath?
I propose that it’s often not discipline that’s lacking, but a connection to the child’s feelings that’s been severed. Any disciplinary tactics the parent used is not enough and can perpetuate the child’s feeling of disconnection. Lack of heart creates the bully, the criminal, the rapist, and the psychopath, not a lack of discipline. Discipline is good and needed, but when is not accompanied with warmth and love, it can cause more harm.
As a feeling of unworthiness wells up in the child, they are left with only two possible recourses. The first is to stuff their feelings down, which leads to anxiety or self-harm, such as eating disorders or cutting, and in severe cases depression. The second is for the child to project onto others how badly they feel about themselves. Disempowered, they seek to disempower others. Treated like an object, they objectify others.
Lack of heart creates the bully, the criminal, the rapist, and the psychopath, not a lack of discipline.
When a child’s own voice has been either neglected or bullied into silence, the child can no longer respond to this voice, which is how they lose touch with the natural empathy of one human for another. Terrible things can then result, both for the individual and for those who cross their path.
When we respond to a behaviour such as hitting with the same kind of behaviour, we send our children a lethal message: “It’s okay to hit if you’re an adult, but not okay if you are small and powerless.” If a child hits, it’s often because they feel disempowered in some way. Hitting them for hitting someone only serves to further disempower them, which in turn increases their need to defend themselves, leading to further hitting for self-protection and thereby creating a bully
A parent needs to invest time and energy into redirecting the child each time the child lashes out, teaching them how to use other forms of communication.
The manner in which we ourselves respond to frustration can help our child develop a repertoire of more helpful responses to their feeling of powerlessness. Instead of disciplining children, which is inevitably directed toward compliance, parents need to teach their child to know their feelings and not be afraid to speak up if something isn’t right. Coming to our children’s aid when a situation becomes severe is important, but it’s also essential that we are attuned to their needs from a young age and teach them to be fearless when it comes to being their own advocates.
Again, the issue is that parents who are disconnected from their own true feelings and needs will often fail to help their children, since they can’t connect in the way their children require. Our disconnection manifests in the chasm between mind versus heart, doing versus being, ideology versus practice, institutionalized religion versus spirituality, and countless other ways.
If we are to end bullying, all eyes need to turn to the parent-child relationship. Intervention programs at school can only touch the surface level of this complex problem, which has far deeper roots. Intervention needs to begin in the family at an early age, so that children learn to stand up for themselves. When a child is honoured for the unique individuals they are, they feel no need to assert themselves in an unhealthy manner.
If you enjoyed reading the article and you are eager to learn more, I recommend you one of my favourite parenting books: Out of control: why disciplining your child doesn’t work and what will, by Shefali Tsabary.
If you are worried that your child is being bullied in school, out of school, or online, please be sure to speak to a member of staff. Here is a short article you might like to read to help identify some of the signs that may indicate that your child is experiencing bullying behaviour at school:
Parents Should Play Their Part To Prevent Bullying In Schools – KoKoa Magazine
Over the last few decades, our purchasing power in most developed countries has tripled. However, this has not translated into higher quality of life or better sense of wellbeing. By some estimates, depression rates have actually increased as much as ten times in the same time frame, particularly in young adolescents.
Thankfully, there are some simple things we can do to help our children cope with their busy lives, friendships, school, big feelings, and just feeling overwhelmed and overloaded. We teach them how to manage feelings by providing them with age appropriate strategies and tools, we then let them have a go. We don’t interfere in the process, even if they get angry and frustrated, then we ask them to reflect on their choices and the outcomes that result from those choices.
When we feel capable and empowered, we feel confident in our ability to look after ourselves and to solve problems. The more we practice making decisions and solving problems, the more capable and empowered we feel. This creates an ongoing pattern of positive feedback.
Even if it may seem difficult to cease trying to control a situation, ultimately we want our children to have these little victories as often as possible to gain the feeling that they are at the helm in control of their life. We should start small to ensure success, and in time these small successes will provide an enormous benefit to their self-esteem. Most of us have experienced the exhilaration of overcoming a fear, or mastering something we didn’t think we could, and how invincible we felt afterwards. This is the feeling we all want for our children.
For further information and useful resources on the topic of empowering your children to make positive decisions in their lives, please take a look at What’s the Buzz? by Mark LeMessurier and Madhavi Nawana Parker and The Resilience and Wellbeing Toolbox by Madhavi Nawana Parker.
www.wellbeingforkids.com.au
There is no denying the impact COVID-19 pandemic has had on the mental health and wellbeing of our children. Levels of depression and anxiety are on the rise.
Delia Ciobanu
Student Counsellor
International British School of Bucharest
There is no denying the impact COVID-19 pandemic has had on the mental health and wellbeing of our children. Levels of depression and anxiety are on the rise.
As social beings, human connection and relationships are essential to maintaining a sense of positive mental health and wellbeing. Increased isolation, associated with the recent pandemic, has unfortunately impacted significantly on the state of mental health of our children, teaching us that we need to take as much care of our children’s mental health and well-being as we do their physical health- being inter-connected and of equal importance.
One way to help our children maintain a sense of mental well-being is to create healthy habits, which help them to feel stronger, happier, safer, and more in control of their lives.
Imagine that your body and mind are like a car. In order to function well, it needs good quality fuel: you can’t put soft drink in and expect it to run smoothly. Just like a car, you need to fuel your mind and body with healthy, nourishing foods, positive thoughts, and affirmative action to function well.
Having healthy habits can help our children establish and develop positive, healthy relationships with friends and colleagues, increase levels of concentration leading to improved academic results, and provide the energy and drive needed to engage in life in a positive, healthy way both in and outside school.
The essential healthy habits for our children are:
• Healthy eating
• Physical activity
• Quality sleep
• Positive thoughts (and expressing gratitude)
In addition to these four factors, studies have identified the follow core factors that can contribute to our children’s well-being.
Here are a few suggestions:
• Join a local club based on your interests
• Find time to spend with family and friends
• Ring someone or speak to them face-to-face instead of sending a message
• If you are having a difficult day at school, try and speak to someone about how you are feeling
Here are a few suggestions:
• Get involved in sporting activity; exercise increases the release of endorphins and endorphins trigger positive feelings
• Get enough good quality sleep to give yourself the energy and stamina to be active
• Take the stairs instead of the lift
• Walk more. Even a ten-minute walk is good for your physical and mental health
Here are a few suggestions:
• Practise gratitude – what three things are you grateful for today?
• Try some mindfulness techniques (be mindful when you are eating or drinking )
• Practise self-compassion – are you aware of your thoughts – are they positive or critical?
• Would you speak to a friend in the same way you speak to yourself?
• Keep a mood diary to help establish patterns and find out what might trigger different feelings throughout the day
• Be aware of your limits and have the confidence to say ‘no’ to not become overwhelmed
• Reflect on your experiences.
Here are a few suggestions:
• Mix your day up
• Step outside your comfort zone
• Learn what makes you feel confident and prepares you for the day ahead
• Celebrate your successes and build on them
Here are a few suggestions:
• Spend more time with a colleague or a friend
• Become a good listener
• Help your parents more with housework around the home
• Find volunteering opportunities doing something that you’re interested in
• Look for opportunities to compliment others on a regular occasion
• Act as a mentor for a less experienced colleague
Here are a few suggestions:
• Accept help from others
• Accept words and acts of kindness from others. For some people, giving is happiness.
• Be open to change and new opportunities in your life
• Let go when you need too, knowing that this creates space for better things to come
Maybe it sounds easy or too simple, but remember:
It’s the simple things in life that are more often than not the most extraordinary!
And as a final piece of personal advice from me to you: try to slow down enough to feel, see, smell, and touch life. You’ll be surprised how much happier you are simply using your senses more to see the beauty around you and appreciate what you have. We always seem to be in a rush much of the time, and as a result often miss the simple joys and pleasures of life.
IBSB is a school deeply committed to supporting student and staff well-being. We invest time and resources into supporting emotional wellbeing and happiness, because we know that happiness and wellbeing underlie academic performance and fulfilment in life.
The video may help your children to reflect on the way they spend their time as a single but important step toward living a more enriching and fulfilling life.
Every year, a group of students in our school undergo a big change in their lives, moving from the Primary School to Secondary School. Most of the students look forward to this change with a sense of excitement, seeing it as an opportunity.
Ana Maria Dobre
Student Counsellor
International British School of Bucharest
Every year, a group of students in our school undergo a big change in their lives, moving from the Primary School to Secondary School. Most of the students look forward to this change with a sense of excitement, seeing it as an opportunity to start anew, with greater independence, with experiences to be enjoyed, and new friends to make. For others though, the first day of Secondary School can be in equal parts exciting and terrifying: new classmates, new courses, new teachers, and new expectations can all be sources of anxiety for them.
From both groups, we can expect questions regarding social interactions (being around older children, not knowing the rules) and academic expectations (having different teachers, extra lessons, and more homework). This transition is a big stepping-stone, which can seem a little intimidating to parents and kids.
Thankfully we are doing a lot to help both the students and parents prepare for this transition. One way we are helping as a school is by maintaining a mentoring relationship with all the children, having opened conversations about what they can expect (for example: their responsibilities, the programme, new lessons, getting around the facility, behaviour expectations, break times and socializing with older pupils), inviting the Year 7 students into the primary school to talk about their experience moving from Year 6 to Year 7 and life in the Secondary, and offering the students a chance to experience Year 7 lessons, with the Secondary School teachers coming across to the primary school to teach a lesson and answer questions the Year 6 students might have, and finally arranging time with the school counsellors.
The children from Year 6 have 3 key sessions with the school counsellors to discuss personal values in connection with school values and the social, emotional skills needed to thrive in the secondary school environment – relating to building positive, healthy relationships, communicating effectively, effective time management, maintaining personal care and safety, and community participation.
Through our conversations and actions, we can all help (parents and teachers working together) the children to deal with their fears and identify the positive aspects of the move to middle school.
Here are some books that can help parents to better understand and support the pupil’s transition:
Adolescent children can pose great challenges to their parents in both positive and negative ways. As a matter of fact, developmental psychology informs us that the time of one’s life that is most stressful.
Ana Maria Dobre
Student Counsellor
International British School of Bucharest
Adolescent children can pose great challenges to their parents in both positive and negative ways. As a matter of fact, developmental psychology informs us that the time of one’s life that is most stressful is in fact the time when we parent teenage children.
The main reason for the perpetual conflictual state some families find themselves in, is the way natural developmental tasks conflict with parental beliefs about how a young person should act.
While adolescents struggle to find their identity and address their need for greater autonomy, defining one’s identity, self-worth, and enjoyment, parents usually stress the importance of high academic results and impeccable behaviour for their professional future.
While young people figure out how social relationships work outside the family, many parents set their personal expectations as the benchmark for them to have relationships, only allowing them to meet with people that match their set of values. Due to age and life experience difference, the values of the child and the values of the parent are often very different, and while everyone means well, everyone also makes mistakes.
To avoid ourselves becoming caught up in a whirlwind of conflict, groundings, and children lashing out, we need as adults to be aware of three important aspects.
Balance of Boundaries & Rules
All people need structure, to feel emotionally safe, but if the rules are too strict, too many or not clear enough, the teenager will tend to rebel against them in ways that can put them at risk.
Rules are for the entire family, not only for the children. If we have a rule that children are not allowed to insult anyone, we must respect that rule as well. Boundaries are important for both sides. If we want our children to respect our boundaries, then we must respect theirs also.
Boundaries that are too loose or not age-appropriate can determine disruptive, uncalculated risk-taking behaviours. Balance is the key-word here.
Developmental tasks
Be aware of the developmental tasks adolescents face and while guiding them, leave them enough space to become their own people.
Some of the teenage developmental tasks have been listed in the introduction to this article, but I strongly suggest that adults who have a duty of care towards adolescents read more about this topic here.
Feeling safe
I can’t stress enough how important this one is. Make sure your teenager feels safe enough in their relationship with you so that if something bad happens, they trust you enough to tell you. Often teenagers that are afraid of their primary care adults’ reactions or ashamed to talk to the adults around them, hiding important things to the point where there is not much that can be done to prevent them.
Some of the things young people do can create extreme anxiety in parents, but it is very important to find meaningful, non-violent ways of communicating that will support finding solutions together rather than making things worse. Never let your anxiety or frustration override your calm.
Some young people don’t feel safe in their own homes, hurting their emotional well being and stability in the long term, just as much as families that have violent children are hurt. Not feeling safe at home, will often lead to serious anxiety problems and long term complex trauma. One does not need to abuse a child physically for this to happen. Verbal and emotional violence are just as hurtful and damaging.
The best thing a parent can do for their child is to be a safety net for them, so that the child knows that no matter the mistake they make, they have a safe relationship to turn to for advice, help, and support.
Although as parents we often feel that learning is the realm of teachers and schools, there is much we can do as parents to pay an important role in the lives of our children in the learning process. Primarily we can be there to encourage and support them, taking and active interest in there learning progress by asking them about their day and what they enjoyed most. It’s important that this should come across as sincere interest, rather than an interrogation from the Spanish inquisition. Ask them open ended questions that encourage a longer, more in depth reply, rather than auxiliary verb (is, are, did, does, etc.) yes/no questions.
Even better would be to share the leaning journey with your children by talking about something you are learning, perhaps a course you are taking or a book you are reading. Our school vision statement is ‘to build a community of passionate, lifelong learners’ and we see parents very much as partners in this journey, both working in close partnership with the teachers, but also playing a key role in the lives of their children as a role model for their children of a lifelong learner themselves.
If you have not yet heard about the online platform Coursera, I would very much encourage you to visit and sign up. You will have access to the largest selection of university courses around the world, many of which are free. There are currently 30 million users with the number increasing daily.
I myself just saw a course titled Learning How to Learn: Powerful mental tools to help you master tough subjects
by McMaster University & University of California San which recently piqued my interest, so I actually just signed up and will start this weekend. It looks like a course we should all take both as learners ourselves, and as parents. We should never be too old to learn.
Below are a few of the most interesting practical tips relating to learning that are discussed on the MOOC website:
Get sufficient sleep in order to think well – We often hear the advice that a good night’s rest will help us to think more clearly. The material in the MOOC gives us great animations that help us understand why: when we sleep, our brain cells shrink a little bit, and that allows fluids to wash out the toxins that accumulate in the brain. Thus, if you pull an all-nighter before an exam, you are literally “going in to take a test with a poisoned brain”
Use the Pomodoro technique to battle procrastination – When we are faced with something that we do not like (e.g., working on a math problem), pain centers in our brain will initially light up. There are two ways we can react: we can quickly shift our attention to something else in order to avoid the feeling of pain (that is, procrastinate), or we can continue to work through the pain—after 15 to 20 minutes, it will fade away. Thus, we need to trick our brains into not taking the easy way out, and just persevere a little bit. A popular technique for helping with this is the Pomodoro Technique in which you set a timer for 25 minutes, work on the task at hand for that time, then take a 5 minute break, at which point you reward yourself.
Use spaced repetition to help remember key facts – There is a trend to move away from rote memorization to emphasizing engaging learning experiences, like working on real-world problems with your peers, and this is a good trend. However, memorization is still an important part of learning—you need to have a store of relevant information with which to make higher-level connections. Barbara advocates the use of Anki, a free spaced repetition software tool to help reinforce facts periodically before you forget them (and incidentally, so does the irrepressible language hacker, Benny the Irish Polyglot).
To test whether you’ve really learned something, try recalling it – When students read textbooks, for example, many try to reinforce what they’ve learned by extensive highlighting or re-reading the information. Barbara points to a series of studies that show that these techniques are inferior to simply trying to recall the information—you can create flashcards to test yourself, or simply glance away from a page and recalling what you’ve just read.
Try learning in different locations – Research shows that you have the best recall of things you’ve learned when you are in the same settings. Thus, if you are a student, one approach might be to do all of your studying in a classroom, which is where you will take the test. But Barbara has a much better suggestion, and that is to vary where you study so that you don’t become attached to any specific environmental factors, thus making your learning more robust.
Colour Easter Eggs (a popular Romanian tradition)
Younger children and even the older ones sometimes, love painting and preparing Easter Eggs for Easter. In Romanian we have the tradition to colour the eggs and then to crack them for good luck. Maybe this year instead of just colouring them a single colour you can get a little more creative and colour eggs with a variety of patterns. It may get a bit messy, but it is sure to be a lot of fun.
Prepare an Easter Egg Hunt
I was lucky enough to grow up with a big yard and with parents who took the time to arrange an Easter Egg hunt for us as children every year. It was an amazing time and I remember being so excited as I ran from point to point reading the cryptic clues and collecting eggs along the way. It takes a little time to arrange, but is well worth it as it will be a memory for your children for life.
Arrange a few Easter Egg Games
In addition to organising an Easter Egg hunt, you can add other interesting games, like an egg and spoon relay, or setting up an obstacle course using eggs as markers, or playing a game where you have to try to roll the egg into a circle, etc. There are many different fun games you could play. Children are incredible creative, so more than likely then will come up with their own fun games.
Make Hot Cross Buns
You can celebrate Easter with these yummy breakfast treats quickly and easily. They are fun to make and great to eat with lashings of butter melting on them fresh from the oven.
Share the Story of Easter
Another great idea is to spend some quality time reading a traditional Easter story or watching an Easter movie together. In time, this might become an annual family tradition that your children look forward to and you too!
Why focus on kindness?
Ask parents what they want above all for their kids and most will say “happiness.” It’s what we’re all seeking, really. And we’re seeking it all the time, regardless of age, race, gender, or religion. But for some, happiness can be hard to find.
The big question is this:
It turns out – and to borrow the words of a wise man – yes, we can.
The life-changing magic of being compassionate
“Our mind works significantly better when positive than when negative, stressed, or even neutral!”
Our personal experience of happiness is determined by three main things:
The first two are more difficult to control. The easiest and most powerful way to influence our own happiness is by far through the third item: Intentional positive actions that we commit to practicing every day. Studies have shown that this can determine how happy we are by up to 40%. The positive actions that have been scientifically proven to be most effective at increasing our sense of happiness include: Acts of kindness, expressing gratitude, journaling, and meditation.
How can we help our children to learn to be this way?
Modelling desired behaviour is one very important way to do this. As the saying goes “monkey see, monkey do.” And while our children may not be monkeys, they learn much about the world through observation and imitation. As parents we need to regularly demonstrate kindness and compassion – to ourselves and to others – so we normalize it to our children.
“Not every day is good, but there is something good in everyday.”
The next best thing to do is to build a happiness habit right from the start. By encouraging your child to take several minutes of each day to refocus their mind toward personal aspirations and accomplishments, the most joyful moments of their day, to take note of the kindness they experienced from others in the day, and setting an intention for kind acts tomorrow, can actually reprogram their mindset and behaviour to become more positive in order to create more success, happiness, and reward in their lives. Do this yourself as well!
“Children who learn how to be happy when they are young, carry the lesson throughout their lives.”
The digital age has made it possible for our children to have unregulated access to more content than any previous generation. As a result, it can seem at times as though the world is becoming colder and evermore unkind, filled with negative people and sad events. However, seeing things this way is not only unhealthy but also fundamentally untrue. It’s important and stunningly restorative to teach our children – and remind ourselves – that the world is, for the most part, a good place.
Intensive exercise improves the academic performance of teenagers, according to new research.
The study, of about 5,000 children, found links between exercise and exam success in English, maths and science.
It found an increase in performance for every extra 17 minutes boys exercised, and 12 minutes for girls.
The study by the universities of Strathclyde and Dundee found physical activity particularly benefited girls’ performance at science.
The authors said this could be a chance finding or reflect gender differences in the impact of physical activity on the brain.
Children who carried out regular exercise, not only did better academically at 11 but also at 13 and in their exams at 16, the study suggested.
‘Low exercise levels’
Most of the teenagers’ exercise levels were found to be well below the recommended 60 minutes a day.
The authors speculated what might happen to academic performance if children got the recommended amount.
They claimed that since every 15 minutes of exercise improved performance by an average of about a quarter of a grade, it was possible children who carried out 60 minutes of exercise every day could improve their academic performance by a full grade – for example, from a C to a B, or a B to an A.
However, the authors admitted this was speculation given that very few children did anywhere near this amount of exercise.
Dr Josie Booth, one of the leaders of the study, from Dundee University said: “Physical activity is more than just important for your physical health.
“There are other benefits and that is something that should be especially important to parents, policy-makers and people involved in education.”
The authors of the study, published in the British Journal of Sports Medicine, said further research backing the findings could have implications fore public health and education policy.
The study was funded by a grant from the BUPA Foundation to the University of Strathclyde.
1. The conditions to learn and develop
Children need to be given the conditions to learn and develop. This includes cognitive and emotional development, fostered through access to play in the early years and high quality education in school, and physical development, for example through a nutritious diet. School is a key area of children’s lives where experiences vary greatly and negative experiences have a significant impact on well-being.
2. A positive view of themselves and an identity that is respected
Children need to see themselves in a positive light, and deserve to feel, and be, respected by all adults and other children. Our evidence shows that how children feel about their appearance, whether they are being bullied, and whether they believe that their voice is being heard and opinions respected, are key drivers of their well-being
3. Have enough of what matters
Children’s well-being is affected by ‘having enough’ and ‘fitting in’ rather than being rich or accumulating material goods purely for its own sake. Family circumstances, household income, and parental employment are key factors which determine whether children have access to those items and experiences.
4. Have positive relationships with family and friends
Children want and need positive, loving relationships with the people closest to them. Overall, the strongest driver of low subjective well-being is where children experience weak and uncaring relationships with their family or carer. The structure of the family itself has only a small effect on a child’s well-being. Children also need positive, stable, relationships with their friends, with social isolation a strong driver of low levels of well-being.
5. A safe and suitable home environment and local area
Children need safe and suitable environments at home and in their local area. Where children are unhappy in these environments, often through feeling unsafe, feeling that they have a lack of privacy, or feeling that their home or local area has inadequate facilities, this has a strong association with lower levels of well-being.
6. Opportunity to take part in positive activities to thrive
A healthy balance of time use is as important for children as it is for adults. The need for a balance that suits the individual needs of children means that they should be actively involved in decisions about how they spend their time.
Taken from:
www.childrenssociety.org.uk/sites/default/files/tcs/promoting_positive_well-being_for_children_final.pdf
As next week is World Book Week here at IBSB, I thought it might be nice to look for some good parenting advice on supporting your children to read more at home, so here are some suggestions on how you can help to make reading a positive experience and encourage your children to read more.
1. Choose a quiet time
Set aside some quiet time with no distractions. Ten to fifteen minutes is usually long enough.
2. Make reading enjoyable
Make reading an enjoyable experience. Sit with your child. Don’t put pressure on them if they are reluctant. If your child loses interest then do something else.
3. Maintain the flow
If your child mispronounces a word do not interrupt immediately. Instead allow opportunity for self-correction. It is better to tell a child some unknown words to maintain the flow rather than insisting on trying to build them all up from the sounds of the letters. If your child does try to ‘sound out’ words, encourage the use of letter sounds rather than ‘alphabet names’.
4. Be positive
If your child says something nearly right to start with that is fine. Don’t say ‘No. That’s wrong,’ but ‘Let’s read it together’ and point to the words as you say them. Boost your child’s confidence with constant praise for even the smallest achievement.
5. Success is the key
Parents anxious for a child to progress can mistakenly give a child a book that is too difficult. This can have the opposite effect to the one they are wanting. Remember ‘Nothing succeeds like success’. Until your child has built up his or her confidence, it is better to keep to easier books. Struggling with a book with many unknown words is pointless. Flow is lost, text cannot be understood and children can easily become reluctant readers.
6. Visit the Library
Encourage your child to use the public library regularly.
7. Regular practice
Try to read with your child on most school days. ‘Little and often’ is best. Teachers have limited time to help your child with reading.
8. Communicate
Your child will most likely have a reading diary from school. Try to communicate regularly with positive comments and any concerns. Your child will then know that you are interested in their progress and that you value reading.
9. Talk about the books
There is more to being a good reader than just being able to read the words accurately. Just as important is being able to understand what has been read. Always talk to your child about the book; about the pictures, the characters, how they think the story will end, their favourite part. You will then be able to see how well they have understood and you will help them to develop good comprehension skills.
10. Variety is important
Remember children need to experience a variety of reading materials eg. picture books, hard backs, comics, magazines, poems, and information books.
11. Set aside family time for reading
If you want your children to read more, set aside family time for reading. I know of a number of families that do this and it really does work.
12. Lead by example
Finally, it is important for your children to see you reading and enjoying the pleasure of reading. Do just tell your children to turn of the television or their digital devices and read more, do it yourself and lead by example. Children can smell hypocrisy a mile off and usually take a personal offence to it.