Menu
Someone hurting your child can often feel like someone hurting you, and so it’s natural to feel the urge to want to defend your children at all costs.
Conflicts between children are often fuelled by parents
Disagreements and conflicts between children are a normal part of life when growing up, usually very manageable, and thanks to a young child’s ability to live more in the present moment, it’s easier for them to move on. For adults, however, who have fully developed brain and different thinking patterns and habits, it’s not always the same. The critical mind is much more active and sometimes too active, causing some adults to live more in the past or future than in the present moment.
This is one of the reasons why the conflicts between children are often fuelled by parents. Children have the ability to ‘’restart’’ their friendship again because they live more in the present, while adults often hold resentment and anger for that child or their parents.
Image result for poor behaviour
Despite popular opinion, poor behaviour in a child does not always reflect Parental Behaviour and Values
An interesting aspect that biases parents opinions is the belief that a child’s ‘’poor behaviour’’ is a reflection of the parents. This belief is not a general truth, however, as there are many examples of parents who have failed, despite their best efforts, to actively educate their children about the importance of values and good manners, to be kind and empathetic, with strong moral values.
Biologically, a child’s brain is not fully developed
Contrary to the popular belief that ‘’children are pure, innocent, and incapable of hurting anyone or anything’’ we need bear in mind that biologically a child’s brain is not fully developed, which is why children at an early age may be prone to hurting others (animals and people). This is because morality and empathy are dependent of a part of the brain that hasn’t yet fully developed (the neocortex). What first develops in your child’s brain is actually the lower side of the brain responsible for survival. This is why your child may appear to have an ‘’evil character’’, as their behaviour is led by their survival instincts causing them to be less empathic and more self-centred.
Interestingly the conflict between parents often reaches its peak after the kids have already made peace between. And because for adults, it’s more difficult to forgive and forget, they tend to influence their children and reopen the conflict between them again by forbidding their children to play/interact with each other.
The importance of reparenting yourself
Parenting is challenging, especially because it puts us in situations where our own childhood wounds are triggered. Parenting is not only about educating and raising your child, but also about reparenting yourself and working on your own self-development. Many times we confuse our needs with our children’s needs.
Instead of being on auto pilot when it comes to educating your child (don’t do that/do this/ etc.), try to ask yourself these questions to help bring more awareness into your parenting journey:
What is my parenting mission, my parenting philosophy?
How do I manifest this in my everyday interaction with my child?
Have I mapped out a thoughtful, mindful mission, as I would were running a major organization?
Books: The whole brain child by Daniel J. Siegel and Tina Payne Bryson; The Conscious Parent, by Shefaly Tsabary.
